I'm sitting here watching a show on PBS about the history of Retirement, Social Security and the future of Heath Insurance and freaking the fuck out. I'm convinced there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to retire until the age of 132. I know my anger is misdirected, but I slightly resent my grandparents' and parents' generation for being able to enjoy social security that I'm paying because I don't think anyone my age is going to see any of it. "Greatest Generation," my ass! I wonder what nursing homes are like in India or Venezuela. I'm imagining the brochure now...."$1.00 a day for assisted living in Bombay. All the creamed lentils one can eat with free donkey service to the area hospital when you need it." Sounds like true paradise to me, mom and dad. Remember this post when you're 87.

Jesus, when did I get to be the cranky ole bitty? Hey, get off my lawn!

Although not yet available in Chicago, I fly through all the other airports often enough that I'm considering purchasing the Clear card so I can coast through security. They even help you take off your coat and get out your laptop for you. Poshy posh!

Word.

I'm heading to Seattle this May with a friend to check out the Sasquatch Music Festival. I've never been to Seattle so I'm looking forward to getting out there. The thing is, you sort of *have* to camp when you go to this festival because the closest hotel is many miles away and I personally plan on having a good time while out there, so driving is out of the question. So, we're camping.

The last time I went camping, I must have been about 13 and we stayed in a pop-up camper that had heat and a toliet you could only pee in. In terms of nature and roughing it, it was pretty cushy. This time, we're renting camping equipment from REI and it's a tent. Personally, I have no clue how to set up a tent and the girl I'm going with (while I love her) is girlier than I am.

I asked her, "Have you camped before?" and her response was, "Hell yeah, I've camped my face off!"

By her response, you know this means that neither one of us has a freakin clue what we're going to be doing. I'll be sure to take pictures of her setting up the tent and me laughing at her.

In the meantime, if any of you have any tips as to how to send S.O.S. smoke signals, I would appreciate it.

This is my friend, Aaron, who just did this fun PSA for Unicef. Listen up, Chicago...

"I'm all about savin' the babies...and makin' 'em!"

Sitting in the Detroit Airport watching a woman lovingly pet her socially inept lover's horrible combover. Generally hating life right now.

Am I the only one that's wondering what's the big deal about a couple extra prescription drugs in our water system? Personally, I could use the added incentive to drink more water. Do I taste a hint of Paxil in this glass? Mmmmm...sleepy time.

I'm heading to Detroit the next two days for work, which incase you haven't read the news lately, is ranked as America's #1 most miserable city (for like, the 57th year in row or something). I thought for sure Stockton, CA, would have had you beat this year, Detroit, but you managed to squeak through. Congratulations. Whenever I knock Detroit, I do feel the need to say some of the nicest people I ever met live(d) there, which makes me think they must've been drinking a lot of that water to want to stay. I tease. It wasn't all bad, I do have some fond memories there. Plus, where else can you buy a house for less than the cost of a car? Where else can you go where someone pulls up to you at a red light and offer to sell you weed?

It's not a crack house, it's a crack home.

Just kidding, you know I love you Detroit.

Remember I submitted a photo for Wally to be possibly included in a new campaign for Yahoo!? I submitted the one of him 'sitting like people' on the couch. Well, I'm proud to say his photo was picked and I actually had to sign a waiver for his likeness and image to be used.

My favorite part was the waiver release form that says,

"I hereby give my permission to (agency name) as Agent for Yahoo! to use, in perpetuity, throughout the world, the picture or likeness of Mr. Walter Tinkelton, the cat, for advertising for Yahoo!

The fact his full name is on there is most awesome. Unfortunately, he will not be compensated for his work. He really needs a better manager. Does this officially make me a "Kitty Handler?" I wonder if I can get my business cards updated...

Garfield Minus Garfield.

I guess I can't be in denial any longer. Come back and visit us in Wisconsin some time, Brett. You were fun to watch and bonded many people together through the years. We'll miss you.

Hello ye fellow insomniac,

I've been pretty busy this week, so excuse the no writing. I swear it wasn't because I was in mourning because of Brett Favre retiring, although I am pretty sure I'm still in denial about that. I was in Denver on Tuesday & Wednesday to help train 15 people who flew in from across the country. I still can't believe everything worked out so well timing-wise and that no one was delayed getting in because I may have orchestrated that a little too closely.

I'm throwing a housewarming party tomorrow night for about 14-15 friends. I never "entertain" and it's partly due to the fact that I feel my place isn't big enough to hold very many people and secondly, because I get so goddamn neurotic about the whole thing. It's a little after midnight and I just finished cooking the bacon for my stuffed mushrooms in an attempt so that my entire place doesn't smell like bacon tomorrow night. I guess there's worse things than people walking away with equating my home to bacon. And now that I think about it, almost all of my appetizers have bacon in them, so I really should have themed this party "Bacon & Booze."

The cocktail bbq meatballs will be going in the crockpot at noon tomorrow, incase you were wondering what I'll be doing at that time.