I'm in Tennessee for work tomorrow, so no Friday post for me.

Okay, if you ever decide to eat lunch at the Merchandise Mart, do not, I repeat, do NOT go to the Greek place and get the grilled chicken pita. If I were to name that sandwich, I would call it the "Shasta McNasty." It was not as nearly as delicious as the sandwich that I grabbed at Goodwin's yesterday with the lovely Ms. Tequila Red. She is just so damn funny, it kills me.

So, I didn't leave work last night until 10 PM. I am not a fan of taking the Green Line home at this hour, especially since I just heard from someone that it is the most dangerous El line to take. Great. Last night I get on the train, and there are two guys sitting next to me, and are openly discussing "getting a girl, some coke and a hotel room," while figuring out how much it would cost. One of the guys said he was glad he met the other since he just got a job at Bennigan's and hasn't gotten his first paycheck yet. (Did they just meet on the train?!) And now I know why Bennigan's is home to the 10-minute lunch - everyone's coked up throwing together Monte Cristo sandwiches.

I'm embarrassed I actually know a sandwich name at Bennigan's without assistance.

So, a new guy (who I thought was pretty cute) gets on the train decides to stand, but after a couple of stops decides to sit next to me. He acted as a nice barrier between me and The Coke Brothers, so I was thankful he sat down. He was reading an issue of The Onion, which I kept sneaking a couple of peeks over his shoulder at the article titles.

"Lichtenstein to Test Teeny Tiny Nuclear Bombs." heh.

We ride along, sitting there silent, and about 7 stops later he finally asks, "Long day at work?" Normally, I would try to get out of a conversation like this as quickly as possible, but he seemed genuinely nice and cute so the next thing I know, we're at Poor Phil's grabbing a couple of beers and talking. He asked me out again for tonight, so we'll see?

The Green Line is where it's AT! To get hit on or held up by gunpoint, that is.

What really happened to Abe Lincoln?



Give this a full minute before deciding it's terrible. Personally, I thought it was hilarious.

So, the non-emergency Oak Park Fire Department just stopped over to my apartment for a little visit.

It's 2 AM.

Apparently my carbon monoxide detector decided to go off again.

Before you think I'm bat-ass crazy, I dismantled it, read the back of the detector, and it said "4 beeps with a pause and 4 beeps with a red flashing light means to open a window and call 911 immediately." So, I thought I was being pretty rationale about the whole thing when I called non-emergency. They sent three guys over to my apartment (non-flashing lights, thank GOD) and I greeted them outside, standing there holding the dismantled detector in my hand, wearing my glasses, hair dishoveled, jeans and a kelly green t-shirt. Mental note for next time: Remove zit cream when hot firemen are coming over. Dammit.

I apologized for them having to come over at 2 AM, and they said it was no problem. They said they had to check my apartment to make sure it was okay, so I invited them inside. I'm realizing this sounds like the start of a bad porn, but it's all legit. 2 legit 2 quit. hey hey!!! Anyway, I had a party a couple of weeks ago and still hadn't removed the bottles of booze sitting on my baker's rack, so one of them joked that he had to really test that area out and if we could leave him alone for a little bit with the Grey Goose. It ends up a positive detection of CO2 has a reading of 35 on this little machine and my detector showed a reading of 20. So, despite me feeling woozy, it's apparently okay. Wally the cat's still kickin' it, so it must be safe.

God, I hope my apartment didn't smell like cat. Just kidding, Wal.

This should be fun trying to go back asleep.

For the moment, I'm enjoying Flight of the Conchords.

This morning, I woke up early and went to this bar called Kincade's to pre-party before the Sox/Cubs game today. My friends all met there, and as typical get-togethers go, a few photos were taken. Imagine the horror when I happened to preview one of the shots and the flash of the camera made it so I could see straight through my black shirt to what bra I was wearing and what direction my nipple was going in at that moment. It was incredibly mortifying and that's when I decided NO MORE PICTURES OF MEGAN. If there was even a camera within 500 yards of me, my arms were doing some weird cross in front of my chest, like I was doing some weird arm yoga position thingy.

That'll probably be on the internet soon enough. Dammit.

So, I text messaged Bob because he is always at Sox games, and I was impressed with his 43-year-old skillz on how to text message back. Granted, it was slow and cumbersome and he could only do one-word replies, but STILL. Impressive. I haven't seen the guy in like, 6 months, but we met up at the famous Sox bar, Jimbo's. I told him about the predicament about my shirt and camera flashes, and all of a sudden his camera phone was out and focused on my chest.

"Bob, wait. What are you doing?"

:: Bob is looking through his phone's view finder ::

"Bob, it doesn't work without a flash. It's not like, X-Ray vision."

Dirty.

Anyway, it was good to see him. I miss him a bit. He still needs to take me out for my birthday. I think we're going to some basement punk rock show in the city sometime.

Ok, so just yesterday I was saying, "It would be awesome if you could forward YouTube clips to your friends through your phone," and then I see a commercial for the iPhone that you can download YouTube clips directly onto the phone. Is there anything this phone CAN'T do?

And the creaming of America's pants over this phone continues...

Things I'm working on:

- Not cracking my knuckles as much

- Morning work-outs at my gym

- Drinking more water (to off-set the booze)

- Eating healthier (which means hot wings are off the menu for the next year, I guess :: sniffs ::)

However, it becomes a challenge when I set myself up for attending the Sox/Cubs game this weekend. Do carrot sticks go well with beer? Giving up alcohol completely is not an option. Chicago in the summer without alcohol? You might as well take away oxygen while you're at it. S'ain't happenin'.

My friends at White People.TV just had one of their comedy shorts called "Jihad Couple" posted on Super Deluxe.

Synopsis: Craig's a bit oblivious and Hamid's a bit terrorist, when the two become roommates they learn a little about each other, and a lot about life....and death.

Too lazy to register on Super Deluxe? I a'make it a'easy for you.

Couple of interesting things that happened while in LA:

- Within the first 30 minutes of being in LA, my side was dry humped in an elevator by some shirtless guy in swim trunks who surely has spent his share of time in Atlantic City. My response was, "Dude, I'm just trying to take the elevator."

- Yesterday, I had to cross the street because some guy was tweaking on something off of Hollywood Blvd., was screaming, kicking, and attacked a bush next to the Roosevelt Hotel.

- If Nicky Hilton started driving a Prius (which is kind of trendy these days for Hollywood), I'm pretty sure I saw her sitting next to me at a red light wearing Dior sunglasses.

Considering they're on the cover of at least 4 magazines right now (maybe more), chances are if you pay any sort of attention to music, you've probably already read something about The White Stripes' latest album, Icky Thump. In my opinion, Nylon Magazine had the best article I've read so far. I bought it yesterday at the Virgin Megastore in Hollywood and popped it into my rental car's CD player on the way to the airport. It lives up to everything that I've read - especially the last half of the cd.

Favorite songs so far:

- Conquest (cover of Patty Page's 1950s version. I read an article that said the guy playing the trumpet was some guy they met in restaurant and had to use an interpretter to communicate with him)

- Little Cream Soda

- Rag And Bone

- I'm Slowly Turning Into You

- A Martyr For My Love For You

- Catch Hell Blues

On an interesting note, I read in that Nylon article that Meg is 7 years older than Jack, who turns 32 in July. There is no way in hell that girl is 39 years old. And if she is, gimme whatever water she's drinking immediately. Anyway, this cd is sure to be on my ipod until I simply can't stand it anymore. Anyone else heard it yet?

I don't know if it's the traveling, or the time change, or the new job, but man, I am having a really hard time sleeping these days. I don't necessarily feel overly nervous or anxious, but this lack of sleep makes me feel like my nerves are just completely shot. I'm starting to think taking a Unisom might not be a bad idea, but I also hate the idea of using a pill to fall asleep. Maybe I need to up my exercise (well, that's a big ole 'duh' that I should be doing, anyway) and drink more water, and stop partying until 3:30 in the morning on a "school" night?

LA has been treating me really well. Last night, I had the pleasure of meeting Athena714 and her husband, who were kind enough to stop by my hotel for a couple of cocktails before heading out to dinner, and then out to Formosa for some more drinks. They are so nice, and we had a great time. We went out for Mexican food (you just can't get Mexican food like this in Chicago) and I actually tried ostrich tacos, purely for the fact that, come'n, when can you have ostrich tacos? That bird tastes delicious is what it tastes like. My friends, Josh and Hong met up with us at the Formosa, where I proceeded to accidentally get drunk and knocked over a glass of water on the table. Oops. And that's when I decided I probably didn't need that last gin and tonic that I had ordered. I went to bed at 3:30 AM my time...which probably contributed to why I am so massively hungover today. Nothing a little In-N-Out Burger couldn't cure. I'm pretty sure the double hamburger can cure whatever ails you. Arthritis? Scabies? Cured!

Today, I did some work and then headed over to Amoeba Records, which was amazing and a just slightly overwhelming. Tonight, I have one more interview to conduct and then it's off to dinner with my friends, Chris and Erin. If I can muster up the energy, I'm meeting up with Josh and Hong again tonight. Word.

L.A. is ridiculous. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes terrible. I'm way too Midwestern for this town. I know my flaws.

I made it to LA.

There is a photograph of Mick Jagger above my bed.

I feel fat here.

That is all.

As I scan the realty pages of the newspaper, seriously, pretty much the only reason I would want to get married right now (besides love, companionship, blah, blah, blah) is so I could afford a condo with more square footage. Jesus Christ, Chicago. You're all that, but you ain't ALL that.

Spur of the moment today I decided to send out an email to invite few of my girl friends over for tomorrow night to pre-party at my house and drink the rest of the liquor from my party. I'd make some appetizers, they could come over, and help me polish off the Grey Goose, Sapphire and 10 bottles (yes, 10) of diet tonic water I currently have on hand. It started off with 2 people coming over and now it's looking more like 7-10. WOOT! This is all good and all until I came home and saw the state my apartment was in. I've spent the last 3 hours cleaning, and have only made a slight dent. And now I know why I never invite people over to my place. Lah-zy!

I seriously need a cleaning lady and I am not kidding this time.

Saturday, a co-worker of mine is throwing a party on the rooftop of his building on Lakeshore Drive, so I'll be sure to take my new camera with me and get some nice shots of the city. And drunk co-workers. Sunday, I'm off to LA for work and am hoping to meet up with a few pals for dinner and/or drinks. Should be fun!

I got asked out coming off of the train on the ride home today. The guy tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you married?" HAHAHAHA. Once I got done laughing on the inside I told him, "No, but I'm dating someone," which is pretty much a complete lie. He said, "If I give you my business card, would you call me so I could take you out to lunch sometime?" You know, I give the guy props for having the balls to come up to a complete stranger and asking me out. I wish more guys would do that. However, he wasn't really my "type" (fat & dirty?) and I sort of gave him the brush off in my head. But I mean, really, what the hell do I really have going on right now that I'm turning down dates? Maybe I should give that guy a call... but I met him on the train - isn't that weird? Okay, I've met guys on the internet before and now I think meeting a guy on a train is weird. Ok, I'm blabbering.

Party people of L.A!

I will be in your 'hood this Sunday - Tuesday for work. Lemme know if you're around and we can make the pilgramage to Promises rehab facility to drop off LaLohan some flowers.

Edit to add: I am staying at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel only because Teddy's is there, and I think LaLohan has a 21st birthday coming up that she might want to fall off the wagon at after her party in Vegas?

Now that I'm working downtown, there's this unspeakable pressure to keep up with all these little Chicago fashionista bitches that is KILLING me right now. When I worked in the 'burbs, I can't remember the last time I updated my summer wardrobe. I have some great pleated chinos from '92 that worked just fine for the moms I was working with, thank you. Just kidding. But NOW, I am shopping every weekend for a new shirt here, a new skirt there, $150 worth of Sephora make-up. Luckily, a lot of it has been paid with birthday money, so I'm not going Karyn on your asses. For Chrissakes, I just signed up for a pilates class and am paying attention to carbs.

Sometimes I just miss those fat suburban moms, man.

NEOCON!!!

Did anyone else think their TiVo's had accidentally died at the end of the Sopranos tonight?

Two people I thought were legitimately dead, but found out today that they are still alive:

Brian Dennehy
Bernadette Peters

I congratulate you on your survival.

xoxo,
Megan

Betty Rocker told me this weekend that I appeared in one of her dreams and in it, I was wasted.

If people are dreaming of you drunk, maybe it's time to ease up a bit?

That's another thought to ponder for another time. So, last night I was in a bar, and a guy dropped his entire beer in front of me. Being the incredibly witty person that I am, I tell him that my beauty must of caused him to drop it and I offered to buy him a new one. So, we're ponied up the bar waiting for the bartender to serve us, when the guy's short, stocky, WASTED brother comes by and says, "Come'n, what are you doin? You're buyin' THIS broad a beer?"

For the record, I'm not exactly proud of my behavior that is about to happen, but the guy just crossed me. You don't do that. Especially not at 2 in the morning.

So I stand there, a little stunned, and say, "If your brother is any reflection of you, I don't know if I really want to be buying you a beer." And the guy starts back peddling and says, "No, no, no, he's not." Apparently, when a $3 Miller Lite is at stake, this guy will immediately start disowning family members. I turn around and say to his brother, "For your information, I was BUYING your brother a beer." By then, I had worked my self up into full on pissed mode where I come up some ridiculous, lofty statements and say, "Look, I make more money than you and your brother, so here is your 5-fucking-dollars to buy yourself a beer," and walk away. He takes my money, buys himself a beer, and they go upstairs to another section of the bar.

I tell my friend, Kelly (from Cicero) what just happened, in all sincerity, she offers to "kick his ass" (HAHAHA!) so we follow them upstairs. This is one of the reasons why I love Kelly - defending her friend's honor, no matter how ridiculous the circumstance. We get upstairs and the two brothers are standing near the bar. I immediately start laying into them, Cicero Kelly follows my lead, a yelling match ensues, fingers are pointed, my friend, Angela, tries to divert our attention by grinding on me to get us to stop. I calm down enough where eventually we talk it out where I tell the brother that he offended me, and he apologized.

Apology accepted, the peace treaty was signed, and doves were released.

No more than 30 seconds later, the guy asks me if I want to make out. Thank you for the offer, but no.

And thus concludes just another Saturday night here in America.

I really need to stop drinking.

At first, when I see you cry, it makes me smile...it makes me smiiiilllle...

Every day now, part of my commute includes walking through the city-block length of the giant Merchandise Mart building (which, for sake of interest, was once owned by the Kennedy Family).

The Merch Mart is hosting NeoCon next week, which sounds more like a missile defense conference rather than talking about fancy new fabrics and innovative bathroom decor for people wealthier than all of us put together. My friend/ex, Bob, has put the fear of God into me about NeoCon. He told me, "Man, you aren't going to be able to WALK through Merchandise Mart. You don't believe me?! Oh, you just wait." I figure people attending NeoCon will be anorexic waifs, anyway, so I'll just blow and knock them all over.

This weekend, a co-worker is having a party at her place in Old Town on Saturday, MidSommers Festival in Andersonville is happening, so I might get my Scandinavian on and head on over to be one with mi gente. There's also a Summer Festival in Forest Park, so we'll probably be over there getting our drink on, as well.

Remember this past February, I went to NY to visit Thode, went on one of her video shoots, had my face painted all weird and was in a video shoot for a band called !!! (chk, chk, chk)? Well, I just saw the U.S. version today and found out that the shot of my eye was left on the cutting room floor. Bummer. So, in Japan, my eye is totally famous. Here in America, my eye is still trying to make it and stripping nights & weekends just trying to get by. Fuckin' rent these days!

Here's the final cut, anyways...our own Thode produced it.

God damn, Taco Bell advertising is brilliant. The fact they can make that food look...dare I say delicious, is not an easy fete. Three melted cheeses?!

Despite speculation (well, by one person), I'm not in jail, but I did have a mighty fine time on Saturday night.

The day was kind of a blur - I woke up early (too excited to sleep), cleaned my apt. (which I was supposed to do the night before, but decided to go to the bar with co-workers instead), met up with my folks who drove into town, picked up my cake, got my nails & hair did, ran home as fast as I could, threw on my dress, a little make-up and ran out the door with my friend, Kat, flailing behind trying to keep up. Traffic couldn't have been worse that day, I swear to Christ, but we made it there with enough time to set out the flowers and birthday mix cds before any of the guests arrived. I seriously thought I gave myself enough time to plan & get ready...there's just never enough time.

We went to The Chopping Block Cooking School in Lincoln Square for a Grilling demonstration class. I recognized the chef because he had instructed a previous knife skills class that I took. At one point he said, (as I had a full Sapphire & tonic in my hand) "Don't get too drunk, you're going to be using those knife skills in a second." Nothing like mixing alcohol and a large supply of sharp knives.

Dinner was excellent - I picked out the menu, which included:

- Grilled Asparagus & Ricotta Bruschetta
- Grilled Chicken Skewers with Romesco sauce
- Grilled Portabella Mushrooms stuffed with Ricotta & Asiago Cheeses
- Grilled Prosciutto, Fontina & Potato Pizza
- Grilled Peach & Blueberry Shortcakes

The chef did all the work and explained how to prepare everything. He was witty, smart, and l thought he did a good job at making the atmosphere loose enough where it still felt like a party and not TOO "lesson-focused." The guys I invited (my friends' husbands) were really into it. I was initially a little worried how they would like it, but everyone had a good time. We saved room for the delicious cake (chocolate & peanut butter mousse), sang happy birthday, and that was it!

After dinner, we bar-hopped a little bit in Lincoln Square - stopped in at the Huettenbar for a couple hours, and then some other bar (it's getting really hazy at this point - I don't remember saying goodbye to some people) and then we stopped at the Chicago Brauhaus for one last half a stein (I needed that like a hole in the head) of beer before deciding that I need to go to bed NOW. Luckily, Chicago cabs were abundant and provided my friend, Kat and I with a lullaby ride home, safe & sound.

My goal for that night was to get all my close friends and family together in a room & just thank them for being a wonderful part of my life. Reading some of the birthday cards I received brought me to tears the next day - it was a very overwhelming feeling. I'm a very lucky gal.

Photos to come, as soon as I get some uploaded....cut me some slack, I was in Charlotte, NC, all day today for work.