I toasted in turning 30 with a shot of Goldschlaer (fancy than your average shot- ha!) and toasting with new co-workers. I also had a really good conversation with my cabbie on the way home, who agreed with my perspective about the subject.

I heart 30. Happy birthday to me. Thank you for listening for this long.

May 30th is my last day in my 20s.

Ever since I was 13 years old (and this is honestly no exaggeration) I always knew that things in my life wouldn't *really* get good until my 30s. Perhaps it was all a state of mind, but I am so, so happy to be over and done with this stage in my life. When I think back on my 20s, it was all a huge learning curve, one with many more downs and heartache than ups. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself to really enjoy it. Just thinking about it makes me a bit teary-eyed. Which is why going into this new decade, I can only believe it can only get better from here. I know many of you already in your 30s (or older) may think I am only kidding myself, but I can't help but be more excited to turn this age than any other age. It's been in the works for nearly 17 years. LIKE THE FUCKING CICADAS.

Any of y'all in Charlotte? Cause I'll be there on Monday for work. For like, 6 hours.

All of that blabbering and hollerin', and I have yet to see a cicada. I'll probably be attacked on my way home tonight, don't you worry.

I hope you all had lovely weekends. I attended a wedding on Saturday and hung out with friends the rest of the weekend. A friend helped me put the finishing touches on my 30th birthday remix cd, which will be used as one of the party favors for a small, intimate shindig I'm throwing on Saturday for my 30th birthday. I'm doing an outdoor grilling demonstration cooking class, followed by a pub crawl in Lincoln Square that will last until someone falls down or someone's arrested.

The rest of my birthday week will include dinner tonight with my boss at the W, a Cubs game tomorrow night, I might be hanging with Bob at some point this week, and then the party on Saturday. Woot!

Half day today! Meet you at the bar at 1:01 PM. Do it for America.

I forgot I had a client dinner tonight and came into work wearing jeans and a $15 top from Kohl's. I mean, don't get me wrong, I looked hot, per usual, but I was lacking the certain panache that I needed for a client dinner. So I ran to Macy's and came back to the office wearing a different outfit than one that I came to work in today. I wonder if anyone will notice...I'm sort of pulling a batman.

So, I was tagged to list my top 5 favorite restaurants in Chicago. Here's the thing. I almost never go to the same restaurant twice. There are over 6,000 restaurants in Chicago. Let's say just 10% of those are decent. That's still 600 restaurants worth checking out. However, if I *must*, I'll give top honors to these five.

In no particular order:

Avec - 615 W. Randolph. I like the simple, clean architecture, really good Mediterranean food and a great wine list. It reminded me of wagamama's in London due to the fact that you sit at basically a long communal table, but everyone in the Midwest is nice, and I always like seeing what other people are ordering.

The Bongo Room 1470 N. Milwaukee Ave. If you want a good brunch place, this is the joint. Excuse me, did you say Key Lime Cheesecake pancakes? Have mercy.

Tre Kronor - 3258 W. Foster Ave. This cute Swedish bistro is run by a Swedish husband, his Norwegian wife and this place brings me back to my traditional Scandinavian roots. I love that you can order herring as an appetizer. Plus, sometimes it's just nice/comforting to be surrounded by people that are similar to you.

Portillo's - various locations. Yeah, I said Portillo's. Stop judging me. Okay, I seriously could eat their chopped chicken salad (with a breadstick) every single day. Thankfully (for my ass, that is) I no longer work near one.

Tango Sur - 3763 N. Southport Ave. - My friend, Kristin, and I stumbled upon this restaurant and just had a really good experience there. Minus the loud talkers, I thought it was kind of a romantic restaurant and might go back there on a date someday. Don't forget to BYOB and don't be in a hurry to rush through dinner, either.

There's many more, but those are just a taste of some that I enjoy.

I'd love to hear what any fellow Chicagoans favorite places are to eat in the city - so if you're so inspired, tag - you're it.

Despite waking up at 3:30 AM, and getting on 2 planes, I never did make it to El Paso today. No salsa for you.

We had to land in San Antonio due to storms in Houston, where I was supposed to transfer to get to El Paso. By the time I would have gotten to my destination, I would've had to turn around and head back to the airport for my flight home. Long story short, and $336 later, I'm back home in Chicago. I never even stepped foot outside. I did, unfortunately, get to see the in-flight movie, "Music & Lyrics" twice in one day. God, as much as I love her, Drew Barrymore forces her acting so much sometimes, it's terrible.

Reason #9,732 Why You Should Never use a Pillow provided by an Airline

Remember the time I told you about the guy I sat behind on a plane who sneezed directly into his airline pillow? Yeah. Well, today, there was this guy, who was about 65ish, overweight, wearing a 10-gallon cowboy hat. He fell asleep so soundly that he snored the entire way to San Antonio. As we were landing, the flight attendant had to literally shake him to wake him up. For a second, I thought he had a heart attack and died, but he woke up and was really groggy. The flight attendant just told everyone to put their seat backs up and buckle our seat belts, we're preparing for landing. All of a sudden, the guy JOLTS out of his seat. I look over, and the poor guy pissed himself. He tried to crawl over the guy sitting next to him (ewwww!) but the flight attendant yelled at him to sit down. So he sat there, in his own piss, & put the airplane pillow over his lap.

Sweet dreams.

After almost exactly 12 hours after I left, I am now home. Thank you, Cicadas, for offering me such a warm welcome home after a shitastic day.

Tomorrow is supposed to be the first day of the cicada invasion here in the Midwestern states. Apparently, northern Illinois is supposed to be the worst area for the infestation. Great. To put it mildly, I am FREAKED THE FUCK OUT by this.

If you make it through watching this whole ridiculous video, then you are a braver person than I am - I couldn't watch the whole thing without wanting to scratch my eyeballs out. It will make you hate Enya even more than you already do.



If you need me, I'll be locked in my apartment. FUCK!

I am currently in the process of hiring someone for events in our LA/San Diego market and put an ad up on a very popular website. One of the requirements I requested was a head shot, only because I don't know if we're doing in-person interviews or not. And hooty hoo, are there some HILARIOUS photos people are sending me. I really want to post some of them, but probably think that's not a good idea. One girl sent me a prom-ish looking photo of her and her friends and a guy sent me a photo of what appears to be him on a construction site, lifting things. Nice.

I'll be in the Armpit Capital of our nation tomorrow, El Paso, TX, for an event. I am literally flying down and back in the same day. Neither flight is a direct connect, either, so let's just say you can address me as Ms. Bitchypants.

I will bring you back some authentic Old El Paso salsa for dealing with my lousy attitude.

T-Minus 11 days until my Saturn Return.

Invitations sent, final details confirmed, new party dress purchased.

Okay, tonight's episode of "The Office," just made me cry. WTF?!

I have to get a corporate credit card at work and found out they'll let me pick out my own credit card (so I can get all the reward points). Any recommendations of good ones that you guys have? I just got something in the mail today from American Express about reward points for travel on any airline, hotel, rental cars, with no black out dates, no annual fee, no limit to how many points you can earn in a year, 0% APR for the first 6 mos. and only 13% after that (pretty competitive with CapitalOne). Seemed pretty decent.

Random celebrity sightings: Wayne Newton in the Vegas airport last week and Pete Rose at the Forum shops in Caesars Palace. Viva!

It's pretty bad when I heard Jerry Falwell died that the first thought that went through my head was, "Eh, no loss there."

I just called the cake girls who are making my birthday cake and asked if they can make a shish-kabob cake. The crazy news is that they can, but only for way more people than I'm inviting. Darn.

Last night was my last writing class. Sigh.

I'm sad it's over - super great people that I'll miss seeing every week. We pitched sketch ideas two weeks ago and last night we cast and did a cold read of each of them. I was cast in a few of them - one guy prefaced a character with "Who can do a female version of an Elmer Fudd accent?" and he looked right at me. Apparently, I give off that vibe. Which probably should give me some insight as to why I'm not seriously dating anyone at the moment, but I'll save that drama for your mama.

Tonight, my parents are in town to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday. We're heading to David Burke's Primehouse for some ridiculously expensive steak. Apparently, they massage the cows. I don't know about you, but I prefer my beef to be relaxed before being led to slaughter. Sounds delicious!

Happy Mama's Day!

I *hate* that I LOVE this Comcast ad. Spidey is the type of guy (the wit of the actor, not the character) that I would crush on.



Inevitably, would like the dumb indie girl with no personality. Stupid actors.

EDIT TO ADD: Coincidence Zach Galafianakis is on the home page of MySpace today? Interviewing some dumb 'indie' girl, no less.

Artist on Artist: Zach Galifianakis & Fiona Apple

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Obsession back ON!

I am now in Vegas. Barely.

There was a good solid 1/2 hour that I was convinced we were going to crash after a really rocky ride. At one point the wind was so strong it felt like the plane was shoved in a losing fight. And then I came to the realization that there was no way I was going to crash while an old episode of "King of Queens" was on TV. No fucking way. Kevin James? Please. I was totally fine after that.

Being in Vegas by yourself (for work) has got to be the greatest cock tease known to mankind. When I arrived, the "Angel" side of me told me check-in and just go to bed, since I have to be up and functioning in a few hours. The "Devil" side told me to go out, play some slots, have a gin & tonic and make out with some Puerto Rican named Enrique. I kid. I wouldn't play the slots, I'd be playing black jack.

So I checked-in, and saw my room. They upgraded me. Sorry, these were taken on a shitty camera phone.

My bathroom sink(s) with HD-TV.


My whirlpool bathtub. Once I saw this, I knew I wasn't leaving my room.


This cool couch thingy that I now am convinced that I need in the new condo I buy. Behind it is my "office."


The plasma TV for my bedroom.


So cruel to be upgraded when you're traveling by yourself, yo. I'm going to go soak in the tub with a gin and tonic now. I'll be home tomorrow night.

I just accidentally farted in front of my new co-worker.

Well, glad we've gotten that out of the way...

Can I just say....today was awesome. I got 15 extra minutes of sleep this morning, it was a gorgeous day to walk to the El, I found out I have 5 "summer days" that I can take off of work on top of my vacation this year, soda is only a quarter in my building, a masseuse comes to our office weekly and our company pays for half of it (so a 30 minute massage is only $15!), they brought in a taco bar today because I started, and I have discovered, there is a lot of hot eye candy that ride the El. I mean...what more could a girl ask for? Seriously? A TACO BAR.

:: inhales deeply ::

Ok, I have to go pack. The next three days will be spent in Tampa (tomorrow) and Vegas (Wed.) I will basically be in the air the next 3 days, incase you are looking for me.

Back from Denver -- had a really good time. I was visiting my friend, Jayme, who is currently 9 months pregnant. This weekend I learned a little too much about the child birthing process. Like, I didn't really need to know that some mothers have to give one last 'push' to get the placenta out. And now you know this unfortunate piece of information, too. Gross. I met up with a fellow Chicago friend of mine a couple of times for drinks, which was a nice diversion from all the pregnancy-talk. This friend ended up buying 20 random people shots, stood on a chair and gave a toast and then we spent the next hour talking to some guy named Toby who wanted to know what political affiliation we were with or what we were trying to sell. Buddy, we're from the Midwest, it was just a good, drunken deed we were doing. Lay off the conspiracy theory TV shows for a little while.

Tomorrow, I start my new joooooOooob. Very exciting. G'night.

The rest of the day included awkward hugs by 2 creative directors, our HR director and chief operating officer. My boss' hug was legit. I think she will honestly miss me. The half hump was a nice touch. ...as was the serenade of The Sound of Music's "So long, Farewell"....with the choreographed dance routine.

It's my last day at work, bitches! In the past week or so, I've had six goodbye lunches, a congratulatory cake (for quitting?), a last game of hang man on my giant wipey board ("Peace out, cub scouts" was the answer) and an awkward hug from one of our vice presidents. You have no idea the satisfaction I'm feeling right now as gas prices are rising that I no longer have to sit in a car for 2 hours every day. Can I get an amen'ah?

Now it's time to vote: How do I leave the office today?
a) Spraying $3.99 Andre champagne all over Lois in the accounting department?
b) In the lap of the CEO's 72-year-old executive assistant, Dodie, laughing, swiggin' vodka, possibly breaking her hip?
c) Middle fingers extended in the air, twirling, upon exiting?

Cocktails are on the agenda after work tonight. Heading to Denver tomorrow, so updates may be limited.

One of the many things i love about Oak Park. Our library has an Art-o-mat. I bought a piece after going out to dinner with my friend tonight. The piece came signed, and the guy who created it included his address. I'm considering sending him a note.

On an off-beat note, there are only 90 of these machines across the country. One of them also happens to be in my hometown. What are the chances?

It's Maaaaayyyyy! My most favorite month of the yearrrrr.

Overheard in my apartment courtyard this morning, as I was eating my breakfast:

- The Resident Schizophrenic: "GET AWAY FROM ME! DON'T BEAT ME UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!" :: walks away ::

- Fellow neighbor: "Geez, Don, all I said was 'good morning.'"

Sometimes I feel like I live in a YMCA.