It's my last three days of work and they could not be going any slower. The only thing I care about when I arrive is who I'm going out to a farewell lunch with that day. I've had three so far. At my last job in Detroit, (Thode will remember this) I quit at 3 PM, left at 5 PM and never went back. So it's kind of nice to be told you'll be missed rather than having people wonder if you got car jacked at a stoplight. No, I just hated my job THAT much.

I'm taking Friday off and am flying to Denver to visit a girl that I've known since high school who is about 9 mos. pregnant for the weekend. A new guy friend of mine from Chicago (that I'm digging) is also going to be out there and encouraged me to come out. Coincidentally, my pregnant friend and him know each other from their college days. So it should be a nice hurrah before I start my new job. I already know the first week of this job, I'm going to be in Tampa on Tuesday and Vegas on Wednesday, so I have a feeling I will be a busy girl. Good, but busy.

Yesterday, I spent six hours in class - 3 hours of improv and 3 hours of sketch writing. I'm funnied out, yo. ENOUGH WITH THE FUNNY. Yesterday, I learned that I can do a pretty good fake German accent, so if you ever need a beer wench, German Chancellor, or Hitler's girlfriend at your next party, I'm your gal. Yah. This week, we each pitch a sketch to the class and then next week we read it. Now that I think about it, I think Hitler's girlfriend somehow needs to be a part of it. More later.

I just found out that there is a water taxi that I could take from the El to the new building I'll be working in.

The fact that my new work commute might involve a boat, quite frankly, is fucking awesome.

Ok, so apparently...I had a really good time last night. The Tanqueray and tonics at the House of Blues, for the record, are deceivingly small but pack a punch. I somewhat remember Naked Raygun being on stage...and also seeing Ken at one point. My co-worker and I went to this bar called Lemming's after the show to meet up with a friend of mine. After that, we went over to some dance club, (that I don't remember the name of) and they barely let me in after I dropped all of the cards in my wallet all over the ground while trying to give them my ID. My friend, Kelly, drove my sorry ass home at about 4 AM this morning. I woke up, and couldn't find my contacts. I found one in a bottle of moisturizer that I keep next to my bed, and the other one on the floor (by the grace of God). I took the El into the city this morning to pick up my car, which was pretty miserable, and had a little present in the form of a $50 ticket waiting on my car. Hey, at least it was still there.

Amy Winehouse's song, "Rehab" came on the radio while driving home. Shut up, Amy. I don't get drunk, I just get more charming.

Word.

Tonight, I'm heading to the House of Blues to see the Naked Raygun reunion with a male co-worker who likes to be somewhat inappropriate when, well, any female is around. Should be a nice evening of loud debauchery. Are you going? Because I'll be the tall blonde girl who looks completely out of place, probably holding a gin and tonic in one hand and pushing away her co-worker away from her personal space with the other. I cannot control the music I like, so I must make the pilgrimage and this dude is the only person I know that also likes them and was willing to go. If you see me, save me.

When quitting one's job, it's customary to get all the vacation time you should've had in the form of payment, correct? Let me know ASAP, because if that's not the case, I'm taking all of next week off. Peace.

I just signed up for an "Intro to Improv for Writers" course at Second City. It's just a quick 2-week seminar, but figure it'll allow me to dip my toe into it without look as much of a jackass. The writing classes have been one of the best things I've done in a long, long time, so I figured "Sure, what the hell."

Speaking of improv, if you live in Chicago or happen to be visiting this weekend, be sure to check out the Chicago Improv Festival. The festival borders on the level of greatness that is Sheboygan Bratwurst Days, but all festivals can't be that fucking awesome.

I don't have to be secretive about what's been preoccupying my mind/time any longer, as it became official today.

:: drum roll, please ::

I got a new job!! I'll be working at an agency downtown, doing exactly what I'm good at and love doing, making more doing it, with an easier commute to boot. I was so excited I almost bought a Nintendo Wii on a whim at lunch. And then I realized, "Wow, I am way more nerdy than I ever gave myself credit for," and slowly walked backwards out of Game Stop.

I may go back tomorrow.

So, yeah! Very exciting stuff. I always knew this was going to be a good year.

Last night, I went on a second date to Nuevo Leon, which is in the Pilsen neighborhood of Chicago. It's a BYOB restaurant, and I noticed we were the only people who took advantage of this situation. And we really took advantage, considering by the end of dinner neither of us touched our meals and just had bottles strewn around the table. The waitress even noted, "Um, you didn't even touch your food!" Lady, don't you worry about us. We'll be fine.

While ordering, my friend looked over at the other table and said, "That looks delicious. Whatever they're having, I want."
- "What?"
- "That right there. What do you think that is?"
- "Well, it looks like sour cream, guac, and beans on chips."
- "I wonder what that dish is called?"
Curious myself, I I scoured the menu and say, "Uh, that would be the plate titled "nachos."
- "Ooooooo....nachos. Exotic."

Duh....Gringos.

You know, the idea of writing outside on a beautiful day is nice and all, until you're attacked by ants.

I will never understand how some of the most bitchy, unfriendly, vile women on earth manage to snag some of the nicest guys.

Given this news, I have no doubt that soon you will see grocery store crawls in Wisconsin.

[thanks to Beth for the link]

The three year old version of me apologizes for the lack of any posts of substance lately. I've been very busy. Don't yell at me or I'll cry. Good stuff is happening. More soon.

:: in best Christina Aguilera impersonation ::

Happpppy BIrthdaaaaaay deaaaaaarrrr Thoooodddeeeee...Happy Birrrrthhhdayyy toooooo youuuuuu!

Note for future Megan: Do not watch morning TV coverage of the massacre at Virgina Tech after applying make-up. Unless you want mascara all over your face. I understand the look is very 'goth' but I don't think el jefe would appreciate it.

Ugh.

We're working on fixing the comments now.

:: cue soothing hold music ::

Working on fixing the site. Please stand by. You might want to grab a sandwich or something, just incase.

My friend, Chris, is starring in a new web short. I thought it was funny and well written, so I thought I'd share. He plays, uh, a new breed of hero.

You know it's a good night when you slide off your barstool.

It's been an interesting and crazy busy week, so, sorry for the lack of posts. I can't really say too much, (officially) but I did also get a nice bonus in my check today. It was either a bonus, or a retro-paid raise from January when I was supposed to have my annual review. I'm not sure because, well, no one has told me yet. Sometimes finding out by going online and looking at your bank account is the best way to see that your boss thinks, "Hey, you. Yeah, you with the black cardigan on. Yeah, I'm not too sure of your name, but you are doing a fantastic job."

It's all going to booze and hookers, incase you're wondering.

Suck it Friday the 13th! You're not so tough and bad!

:: knocks on wood, just incase ::

Early Spring, my ass.



LIES!

I'm starting to do a little condo-hunting. My goal is to either have bought new construction or have moved out by September (when my lease is up) and needless to say, I'm a little scared shitless. I've heard nightmares of people buying a condo in a rehabbed building and then finding out their building is in need of repairs and now they owe an add'l $25,000. New construction is a little pricier, but something I'm willing to do if the headaches are less in the long run. The place I'm looking at tonight is new construction, they've reduced their asking price, are offering a cash incentive at closing, free upgrades, and completely waiving the closing costs. Plus, they're having free "lite beverages." Give me enough of those lite beverages and :: slurs :: I'll sign anything you want.

Dear Megan,

Just because you bought Whole Foods' version of Cheetos called "Baked Crunchitos" made with organic corn and cheese does not, in fact, make them healthy.

Or considered a vegetable.

Put them down.

xoxo,
Your ass

Currently addicted to this song... Brothers and sisters, I'd like to see a sea of hands out there! I said, a brothers and sisters, let us join together in unison and whistle. All together now!

It's no secret that I attract weird people. Many people have said this is due to the fact that I have "friendly eyes." But, seriously, when you're from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, what the fuck are ya gonna do? It's ingrained in you to be nice. So, tonight, I'm just sittin' there, minding my gin and tonic, when a guy who is a good 60+ years old comes up my friend, Kelly, and I and tells us how beautiful we are. He's so old that his stories involve knowing Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, for chrissakes. I jokingly tell him that we're both good "catches," and I swear to Christ he says, "You're like catching a Muskie in the Northwoods."

Like catching a Muskie in the Northwoods. The greatest of fresh water fish. I'm pretty sure that means, "nice tits" in Yooper-speak.

White Girls and Gang Signs.



Guilty as charged. I completely blame this trend on Laguna Beach.

[thanks to Freakgirl for the link]

For some reason, this headline cracked me up. The only thing you two have in common, Mr. Giuliani, is that you lived in the same country on Sept. 11th. So, unless I didn't know you were once a hog farmer, I highly doubt you have anything in common with Iowans.

Frankly, I'm surprised he even left Manhattan. My guess is that he's going to get to Nebraska, realize how much he hates the rest of the country, and drop out of the race.

Having access to an entire creative department comes in really handy when you have something uber important to get done. Like my 30th birthday party invite. You creatives aren't so bad then.

Really got to knock off this working until 10 pm trend. Fucking sucks.

Today I had to go to another bridal shower. I don't know, the more showers I go to, the more I realize how much they give me the ookies. And maybe someday I'll have one of my own, so I can't really bad mouth them, but I hope mine is a lot more fun than making everyone sit politely while I open up some fucking $14 melon baller while you eat broasted chicken and force you to talk to my great Aunt Mildred.

Mine will have vodka.

So, at the shower, I'm sitting across from this girl who looks vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on how I knew her. And then it hit me. SHE was the girl that I once met at a party, who spewed the "N" word about seven times during a conversation. The SAME girl that I (after about five beers) stopped after the final "N" word that I could possibly stand and said, "Wait, so you have a MASTER'S degree and you talk like that? Are you for real? Do you honestly have any idea how stupid you sound right now?" and got up and left.

I was kinda hopin' she wouldn't remember that. You know, I prefer to watch people open up melon ballers in peace without the whole "awkwardness" or whatever.

Initially, she didn't seem to. Although she did avoid talking or eye contact with me for a good 10 minutes, even though I was sitting directly across from her. It was amusing because at one point she was complaining about her job as a math teacher on the south side of Chicago and how she has to quit soon because she just can't stand the kids and how disrespectful they are. She literally said, "I'm becoming more racist." I'm thinking, "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?" but instead something tame like, "Well, life's too short to stay at a job you're miserable in," bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Then, she starts talking to me about HER upcoming wedding. The only thing that kept me sane during listening her drone on about what they're serving at their reception is that she's marrying a guy that looks like Sloth from "The Goonies."

Sloth like ice cream. ICCCCEEE CREEEAAAMM.

Ladies, Wally turns 3 today. And he is ready to party with you. We'll snort some catnip, hit a drop of Iams and take our chances.