Images from the weekend -- Halloween 2006 & the Packers game at Lambeau

Jake & Elwood


Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife


Hermione from Harry Potter


Lady Luck (me) and GI Jane (with hair). I bought a "money boa," and forgot it at home.


Laguna Beach pose in full muthafuckin' effect in Cicero, IL.


...and again. God, I can't stop.


Some tailgator at Lambeau has this fine collection of ladies' lingerie on display


The Green Bay Philharmonic, everybody.


This picture doesn't really do it justice, but we had some amazing seats. I really don't think there is a bad seat there, though.


This photo is for you, Beth.


The Messiah. Let us rejoice and be glad, for he rose from the dead and came back. And is playing for the Packers.

I know it's been out a while, but fuck, I love the Jay-Z HP ad.

Saturday, I'm joining a new gym (eff you, Bally's), checking out the space I'd like to have my 30th birthday party, taking Wally to the vet for his check up, working out, and then dressing up as "Lady Luck" for my halloween costume and heading out to a house party in Cicero. Yes, you heard me. CICEROOOOO!

Sunday, I'm off to WI to catch a Packers' game with my dad at Lambeau. Yes, that means I have to get up at 6 AM in order to make it there in time for a little tailgaiting. Oh my god. Work is sending me up there (for reasons I won't disclose) and they didn't tell me how much I was allowed to spend on the tickets. I can't help it if all they had left were 50 yd. line, 12th row up on the Packers' side seats. *wink*

My boss (who is a female) told me I was "looking rather chesty today" (I'm just wearing a plain grey Gap t-shirt, not like, some slutty bar top). If you're looking for me, I'll be the girl walking with her arms crossed in front of her chest, as she did when she was 13-years-old. And I will only respond to "Chesty LaRue." Which seriously needs to be the name of some band, already.

Did anyone else notice the spelling mistake on "Heroes" translation captions? Or am I just THAT anal?

I thought so.

In other rather important news, our soda machine at work hasn't been making the correct change. I have been waiting a week for the soda vendor guy to come back to tell him what's happening. And then finally, my co-worker, Laura, gave me the heads up, "He's here." After letting him know the situation, he said he would actually send someone out here to check in on it. When I turned around, there were 3 people standing, looking out from their cubes & giving me the approval head nod. I've turned into the Eva Perón of the office.

Let me know if you need new toner. I'll make it happen.

Highly embarrassing moment of the day:

:: I'm walking out of my apartment elevator ::
:: Walking into the elevator is a soldier in full uniform with a giant duffle bag ::

Me: "Oh my god, are you just getting back?" (thinking he just got home from Iraq)
Soldier: "Uh, yeah."
Me: "Really?! Oh that's so great! Welcome back!"
Soldier: (gives me a strange look) "Uh, it was only for the weekend."
Me: "Oh. (awkward pause) Well, welcome home anyway!"

And to add insult to injury, during this whole conversation my fly was open.

An article featuring one of the Dirtbombs' drummers (and my future husband), Mr. Ben Blackwell.

Best news I've received all day.

Have you ever tried eating a salad with a spoon? Well, that's what I'm doing right now. Thanks, Panera.

Anyway, onto the post.

Bob. I fucking love that guy.

I haven't seen him since the Kanye West show back in August, so we met up for a beer before heading over to see Mortified. He's still dating Isabelle (her name is so pretty that I can only hope she has like, a large goiter or weird growth somewhere - yeah, I'm mature). I guess it's getting to the point of their relationship where she wants more and he says he's "pretty set in his ways." Oh, Isabelle. If he ever takes you to the L&L Tavern on Clark (it's THE bar to break up in), you know it's doomed.

Anyway, "Mortified" was awesome - lots of weird religious Midwest angst going on. One girl shared with us a nerdy time capsule that she made, another guy got up and read his diary from Freshman year of college of all the impure thoughts he had (he also kept a record of how many times he "pleasured" himself - ewwww!), and we learned that another girl's dad is "total buttface." I'm telling you, it's good times.

Last night, I met up with a few pals (only Mrs. Rocker is nerdy enough like me to have a blog) to see The Killers at the Congress Theater. It was kinda like seeing them in a tin can since the sound quality was pretty bad, but at least Mr. Flowers was actually in tune. Personally, I enjoy the way he acts out all his lyrics as if the National Deaf Society came to his show. He's cute, so he can get away with it.

Tonight, I'm meeting up with my ex, Bob, Laura and Foss to see Mortified. Tonight's the opening show in Chicago and I'm so fucking excited, I can't stand it.

This morning on the radio, they were talking about how (in some cases) women are starting to make more than men and how to protect your assets/money. I found out that I could start an anonymous account in Nevada and those assets apparently can't be "up for grabs" in the case of divorce.

This MSN article isn't exactly making me want to rush to the alter anytime soon, either. You know you're jaded when you're already planning your off shores account before you even meet the guy.

I may be never allowed into the State of Wisconsin ever again by saying this, but...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU WATCHING THE BEARS GAME?!?!?!

PS. I'll always love you more, Packers. Don't you worry.

As an avid reader of "Sister 2 Sister" Magazine, I was a little surprised to see that they would choose to use the image of such an ugly sista to grace the cover of this month's issue. Everytime I'm forced to look at this issue while standing in line at the Jewel, I wince a little.



That's unfortunate.

I'm draggin' ass today because some bartender had the nerve to overserve me at the Art Brut show last night. They sang "Emily Kane," which made me all happy. If you know anything about the song, the lyrics go a little something like this:

"Other girls went and other girls came
I can't get over my old flame
All my friends think I'm insane
I'm still in love with Emily Kane."

If you're my MySpace friend (and if you're not - why not?), it's playing on my site now.

So it's this gushy love song and in the middle of it he stops. Pauses. And goes on a good minute or two tirad in his Cockney accent about how to completely ignore the advice of this song and to run far, far away from love. Right-o!

In other news, I've been losing a little bit of weight and now my pants are starting to get too big on me. Normal people would buy new pants, but not me. I love the feeling of having to constantly pull them up or the fact that I don't need to unbutton or unzip my pants to take them off. You're just going to have to deal with seeing my ass crack until I get bored of this.

So, it's currently snowing pretty heavily outside my office. Ok, yeah, weird, snow in October, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I'm late to work and am covered in the white shit when I walk in the door. This older woman comes up to me in the hallway stops and says, "It's SNOWING." (as if the sky is falling) I look up and down my arms and just say, "Uh. Yeah. I noticed." Such a cynical bitch I am before 9 AM.

Everytime I see a falafel, I'm like, "Mmmmm...falafels." and then I take a bite of one and am like, "Eh, falafels." But then you take that falafel and put some ranch dressing on it and it's delicious. Mmmmm...trashy middle eastern comfort foods...

I'm pretty sure at this exact moment someone in Syria is taking a piece of pizza and spreading hummus on it and saying, "Much better."

Photos from Thode & Andreas' visit.

After TiVo embarrassed me, we met up with Mr. and Mrs. Rocker at The Beacon. I thought it would be nice to get a group photo (Lord, I've turned into one of THOSE people), and then Thode and Andreas mocked me by turning on the family church portrait pose.



Betty R. and my self portrait. Notice the nice high angle I always take my self portraits to avoid the dreaded double chin. I thought we took such a nice picture, I wanted to take a self portrait with Thode, too.



Betty R. said, "Oh no no no, let me take your picture." And then I turned into psycho picture lady and made the request that she take the photo at a little higher angle. And then Thode mocked that the angle wasn't high enough, so I started laughing, and considering Betty R. can't see out of the view finder when the camera is over her head, we ended up with this beautiful portrait of our boobs.



So after that, you try taking a picture of me when I'm laughing ridiculously hard and see how many double chins I can make then.









Ahhh...finally. It was great to see you, Thode! Thanks for the mam-ories. Get it? Ok, I'm fired.



Best of luck in NY!

Last night, Thode and her "friend," Andreas, rolled into town on their cross-country trip out to NYC. I wanted them to experience true Chicago-style pizza, so I placed an order for Geppetto's. While we were sitting around, eating, my TiVo decided to make the following announcement in front of everyone:

"Tivo would like to change the channel to record, "The Biggest Loser" on Ch. 5 (NBC) scheduled at 8 PM."

I looked at Thode and Andreas and stammered while scrambling for the remote, "Um. How did that happen? I did not request to record that." (LIAR!)

Thanks for completely embarrassing me in front of my friends, TiVo.

Had a bad date? Oh, you know you have.

We are looking for submissions of your most horrendous, obnoxious, embarrassing dating stories to be included in a possible upcoming book.

What to submit? Here's the lowdown:

- Anything goes, as long as it's authentic.
- Ideally, the material should mention some sort of meal/drinks you two shared.
- Theme ideas can also include ridiculous circumstances you were asked out, bad break-ups, obnoxious pick-up lines, blind/on-line dating stories gone awry, embarrassing stories that happened while on a date, etc.
- We understand dating can be hard, if not downright tumultuous. The goal here is to 'find the funny' buried in each piece, not to dig up emotional wounds.
- If there's a chance we feel the story can work with the book's objective, we'll work with you to shape the piece.
- While we have nothing against sexually explicit content, we request your stories not exceed an "R" rating or it will be edited or excluded.
- I'm committed to protecting your privacy. Any stories submitted remains in the strictest of confidence and personal identifying information will never be used without your consent.
- Please be advised once you submit a story, all submissions become the property of the owner and could be edited and/or used in the publication. If you don't want it published, please don't send it to me, you big tease.

Submit all material to my attention at uvolks2 at hotmail dot com.