Word.

My friends, Erin and Chris, are in town from California, so I took tomorrow off of work to be a degenerate bum and hang out with them all day. I'm sure everyone at work probably thinks I'm interviewing because what idiot takes a random Wednesday off from work? This girl.

Random train of thought...and this is super random, but since I caught a clip of the US Open, there's a little part of me that is oddly sad (?) that Andre Agassi is retiring from tennis. I wish I had a picture of my bedroom from when I was 13-years-old, because it was all Andre, everywhere. I had his shoes, posters, framed actual photos, and my parents and I even went to see him play once while we were in Scottsdale, AZ. It's kind of a strange feeling when your childhood sports hero (of sorts) is too old to play and retires. Makes me feel old.

I bet this is like how people felt when "the Juice" retired, but then he went on to do all those great things like kill his wife and Hertz rent-a-car commercials.

Ok, I've been trying to lay low the past few days because I've been a little on the sicky side. So it probably wasn't a good idea to go out until 5 AM on Sat. night. In my defense, I didn't go out until 12:30 AM, so it wasn't like I was out all THAT long. I had been sleeping a ridiculous amount and felt like a caged animal. And now, my chest & lungs feel like burning.

Way to go, Ace.

What'dja do this weekend?

If this is true, then I might just be the most brilliant person ever.

Ok, now I have proof that it's a cultural thing. It's not my fault I spent my formative young adult years here. I learned it by watching you, Milwaukee. I learned it by watching YOU.

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you know what sucks about having to go to Austin City Limits for work? Having to go by yourself. Anyone from Austin planning on going? Lee? Charlie?

It took me an hour and a half to get into work today, I'm sick, I'm not happy about this season's "Laguna Beach," and to top it all off, I just found out Pluto is no longer considered a planet.

Thanks, BuyOwner!

i'b sick.

Meh.

Yesterday, I went over to my friend, Katie's, house to celebrate her 30th birthday. Her husband, Paul, got her a cake from The Cake Girls. Her cake was in the shape of a purse (one of their signature cakes) and was almost too amazing to eat. Almost.

I saw the movie, "Little Miss Sunshine" with Mr. and Mrs. Rocker on Friday night. It was cute, and it definitely had its funny moments. Funniest movie of 2006? Might be a stretch, but definitely worth checking out. Afterwards, we headed over to the trusty Beacon, had a few cocktails, discussed necrophilia and people who poop in weird places and get off on it (I'm blanking on the name for that fetish). You missed out! Where were you, anyway? I called, like, 5 times and you never picked up.

Anyway.

Saturday night I went out with pals, Kelly and Melissa, to a couple of clubs. You know it's going to be a long night when you start off the night at a bar that offers free drinks until 10:30. I remember at one point trying to stop a fight from starting between two guys standing next to me (which was dumb) and ended up with my gin and tonic all over me. And I (stupidly) wore this fake tanner crap last night. The thing is, when it gets wet, it basically melts off of you. So if you saw me after 3 AM this morning, you might have thought I had that Michael Jackson disease. I'm ok, no need for any concern. It was just my vanity melting off of me.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Considering all I ate were carbs yesterday (bagel, pizza, turkey lasange leftovers), no wonder why Mr. Potatohead was upset. (thanks to Plastic Passion for the link. Welcome back.)

Some big things might be going down at work, which might be very exciting news for me. It is also leaving me a little scared shitless. More to come?

Went to Dunkin Donuts this morning for a delicious coffee and splurged and got a bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Mmmmmm. I don't know why people insist on giving you a MOUNTAIN of cream cheese on a bagel. Does anyone seriously eat all of that? I could feed a small nation with all the leftover cream cheese I've scraped off of bagels. And then I'd become like Angelina Jolie and travel the world on my leftover cream cheese crusade. Photo opps with children and dollups of cream cheese on their cheeks with leftover sesame seeds stuck in there.

Ok, I've lost it.

Um, so, I just wanted to call to your attention that "Laguna Beach: The Real OC Season 3" starts tonight. In a half an hour, to be precise. Set your TiVos to "Season Pass" pronto.

I almost got into a fight with an 75+ year-old woman on my flight home from Philly last night.

It's no secret that I am a tall woman. I'm 5' 10" flat footed, and I'm pretty sure most of my height is attributed to my somewhat freakishly long femur bones. So you put me in an airline seat and I'm going to be a little uncomfortable. I didn't realize that I was doing it, but apparently while trying to get comfortable, I accidentally (honest) shifted my knees into the back of her seat. She swung her arm around and actually hit me in the knee. Then she turned around and sneered, "You're kicking my seat." I apologized, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm 5 foot 10, and these seats aren't very comfortable."

Thinking she'd be chill, the old hag actually reclined her seat ALL THE WAY BACK the first second she had a chance. At this point, I full out dug my knees into the back of her seat. Sweetie, this ain't the fuckin' Concorde and I'll be damned if you're going to try and take a nap in my lap. She whipped around and said, "How tall are you again?" At this point I leaned in and whispered, "Look, I have already explained to you that I cannot do anything about this. Quite frankly, you are making this trip as uncomfortable for me as I am for you."

I'm boss-ay!

This furthers my reasoning why all old people should be constantly sedated.

I'm currently sitting in the Philadelphia airport, where I've been stuck for the past, oh, 3 hours or so. I've been out of town for work the past couple of days. Thank god for wireless access at airports because seriously, I would've blown my brains out in one of the W.H. Smith bookstores without it. Don't you worry, though, I would've tried to aim it so my blood would've splatter in the Ann Coulter section.

Be back tomorrow. Peace out.

Things that have (so far) happened at work today:

1) Our co-worker's fish died (who put us in charge for 1 day to watch it).

2) An non-Elvis looking Elvis impersonator was in the house. Performing. Poorly.

Mommy needs a cocktail.

Why am I smiling as I type this post?

Because I bought Beth and I tickets to see the Green Bay Packers vs. Jets game at Lambeau on Dec. 3rd. Beth is flying all the way from New Jersey and has a 'thing' (if stalking were a 'thing,' that is) for Brett Favre. I truly believe in my heart that he put off retirement for one more season just so Beth could see him play on his home turf. We are going to freeze our asses off, and we are going to LOVE IT. Did I mention we paid a little extra so we can attend a pre-game tailgate party with about 5,000 of our closest cheesehead friends? I don't think there is anything more perfect in this world than a Sunday afternoon at Lambeau with a brat in one hand, a beer (or bloody mary) in the other, wearing horrendous green and gold ear muffs and drunken singing.

And that's how I know I am a true Wisconsinite.

You wanna know how else I know that? Because while at the grocery store the other day, I was reaching for the "Kraft" brand cheese ('cause it was on sale), and I literally thought, "This goes against everything I stand for." It actually PAINED me to buy a non-WI brand of cheese. Normal people don't feel like that.

Brat Days - 2006 Brat-Eating Contest

Um, someone actually put together a little video/photo montage of the Bratwurst Eating Contest. I thought I'd share it with you in all its glory.

I can't believe I didn't mention this earlier, but Takeru Kobayashi won this past weekend's Bratwurst eating contest in my hometown of Sheboygan, WI. ESPN actually televised it. This is the biggest thing to hit Sheboygan since the time they announced we want to be a launching pad for commercial space travel.

Kobayashi CRUSHED Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas' 2005 record of eating 35 bratwurst in 10 minutes by eating a massive 58!!! That's 16,820 calories, for those of you who are counting. Over 8 days worth of calories in 10 minutes. Fuck, man.

Well, well, well.



Guess who must be kicking herself that she didn't take the Vogue Paris internship?

As Perez Hilton reported, not even a week after the finale of "The Hills," Lauren "the dumbest girl on earth" Conrad and Jason "Loser" Wahler broke up.

I just bought this t-shirt.



Death wears a cute bow.

It's a bad idea to date a bartender, right?

For those of you who live in Chicago, it's even a worse idea to date a bartender from fuckin' "Cans" in the West Loop, isn't it?

Don't answer that.

:: passes out ::

Lolla Day 3:

So sick of people, being sore and sunburnt. I did what I needed to do (work-wise), and got the hell out of there after only 2 hours. Not so rock 'n roll.

All-in-all, I got to see Sonic Youth (or "Sonic Middle Age," as Jeff calls it), The Flaming Lips, The Raconteurs, Panic at the Disco, Kanye West, and bits of The New Pornographers, Lady Sovereign, and a couple randoms. Not too bad for free.

Lolla highlights Day 2:

I've hung out with Bob in a lot of odd places. Seedy, dark Polish dive bars? Sure. OTB tracks? More times than I'd like to admit. But the last place I ever thought I'd be hanging out with him was the Kanye West show. Bob's a 42-year-old former punk (even though on his MySpace profile he'll tell you he's 37), who knows an alarming amount about rap. Um, the fact that we were having a discussion of "Who is Better? Saigon or Twista?" is hilarious to me.

Lolla Day 1: Best thing I heard was the Raconteurs (Jack White on vocals) doing a cover of Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy."

This post brought to you live at Lollapalooza. God Bless AT&T for the only onsite air conditioning. My balls have officially sweated off and I've only been here for 20 minutes.

So, um, I'm actually thinking of buying Justin Timberlake tickets for his Aug. 22nd show.

I'll turn in my cool kid card now.

But seriously, how can you resist "SexyBack?" I simply cannot. My hips thrust against my will when that song comes on. The sheer force of my thrusts propel me around my apartment. Going to the kitchen? :: thrust, thrust :: Makin' a sandwich. :: thrust, thrust :: Need a plate? :: thrust, thrust :: And a napkin. :: thrust, thrust ::

I love that song. You know when I've blogged about it, it's become a problem.

Warning: "The Hills" spoiler.

Ok, like anyone else besides me watches that show. *cough* Anyway, moving on.

Introducing the dumbest girl in America, folks. :: golf claps ::



She gave up a Vogue internship in Paris to live with Jason "I'm the king of ackward conversations in restaurants" Wahler. LC is single-handedly teaching girls everywhere to give up your dreams to live with some loser who constantly broke your heart. Way to go, LC.

Meanwhile, a socially inept teen with big dreams to become his high school's Prom Prince (and eventually wins) warms my cold, cynical heart. I love you, Jordan, from MTV's "Made."



Don't you judge me.

On the corner of LaSalle & Ontario.

Anyone going to Lolla this weekend? I'll be there (semi-working) all 3 days, but will take some time out to see the Raconteurs, Wilco, Matisyahu, and Sonic Youth. And maybe Kanye. Can't make it? Watch me shamelessly plug my client by watching the webcast here.