Ok, I realize I'm a little slow on the uptake to this, but I just discovered that my TiVo now has games, streaming radio, and I can look up the Yahoo weather, traffic, buy movie tickets through my tv, etc. Someday I'll look back at today when I'm flying around in my human transporter and laugh, "Remember when you discovered you could play Connect Four (TiVo calls it Skull & Bones) through your TV and you got all excited?"

Seriously, though. Connect Fucking Four.

I've been a little M.I.A. lately, which basically means I've been going out a lot and spending wads of cash that I shouldn't be. Did I really need that $55 bottle of wine with dinner the other night? No. For the record, I was pressured into it and was told it was a 'great deal' because that same bottle of wine normally retails for $99. It was a part of the restaurant owner's personal stash, so we got a deal on it and I must say, it was very tasty. To make up for my momentary lack of good judgment, I've decided to sell all of my cds that I don't touch anymore. So, I've been on Half.com all night writing ridiculous commentary for my CDs. For instance, for the Doors 2-disc set, I wrote,

"Bought this CD because of a boy I liked. He didn't light my fire, but this 2-disc CD set will be sure to light yours!"

Shoot me.

Seriously, how did I EVER come to own 2 of the same Enya CDs? WTF?

Ok, now go to Half.com and buy my shit. Thank you.

I got a random email tonight from a guy I knew in high school. He ended his email with (and I quote),

"I think I expressed my like for you by blowing up a watermelon in your mailbox. Which I do apologize for!"

Incase you were ever wondering, now you know why I didn't date in high school.

Um, would you find it amusing that at one point he was my favorite N'Sync-er because I thought he was the most "attainable?"

Christ.

Word.

So, something (spider, bug, SOMETHING) bit the back of my neck while I was sleeping a few times because I have like, 4 welts on the back of my neck. It is totally freaking me out because a) I hate bugs more than life itself, b) what the fuck was sleeping with me that bit me and c) it looks really gross, so I'm forced to wear high collared shirts in like, 90 degree weather.

WHAT IF I ATE IT IN MY SLEEP?

Ok, I'm on emotional shut down mode for the rest of the day. Peace out.

Conversation just held in my office:

Bossman: "Nickleback is going to be playing."
Kiss Ass Girl #1: "Nickelback? Oh my god, I love Nickelback."
Kiss Ass Girl #2: "Nickelback? Oh, I am all over it."

:: projectile vomits all over ::

This weekend's plans include trying to figure out how to quietly duck out of a date a little early tonight, so I can meet up with other friends later on this evening.

On Sat., my parents are coming into town to drop little Wally off, who has been at my parents' house for "summer vacation," since I've been traveling a bit lately. He's been gone for like, a month, so would it be cat ladyish to say that I'm excited to see the little guy? Um, don't answer that. We're planning on seeing the King Tut exhibit and having a nice dinner on Sat. night at Wildfire. My parents and I, that is. Wally will stay at home, eat kitty food, and probably lick his balls or whatever cats do.

I emailed Bob yesterday and asked him to come to this shithole (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) bar called The Hideout with me on Aug. 1, cause Mimi Smartypants is doing a reading there. The event is hosted by fellow blogger, Claire Zulkey.

He wrote back, "OK, I'll go. Claire Zulkey is a Sox fan and an Evanston girl with huge boobs. How could I resist?"

Sweet, Bob.

Welcome Chicago Gay Games VII!

Wait, CYNDI LAUPER is performing at the closing ceremonies? I actually once met her. She was opening for Tina Turner at Summerfest, where I was working as an intern at a radio station. Frozen with fear because I was actually talking to a childhood idol, the only thing I could say to her was, "Hey, my parents are going to your show!" She looked at me disappointedly and whined in her Queens accent, "I knoooooooooow!"

Way to make Cyndi Lauper feel old, Megan.

This is the part where I embarrass my friends by posting their (drunk) pictures on my blog. I love you guys. Don't sue me.









We hit 7 bars total. I started drinking around 4 PM and finally said, "I gotta go home" at about 2 AM. I was awake throughout my hangover, which let me tell ya, is awesome. I also got to see my friends, Jenn, who was in town from Dallas and Josh, who was in town from LA, so all-in-all a very productive 10 hours of cocktails.

I love you, air conditioning. :: mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah ::

So, what's the most rational thing to do when it's 94 degrees outside? Go on a pub crawl, naturally.

It was nice knowing y'all, cause if the dehydration doesn't kill me, my skin will surely burst into flames once the sun's rays make contact with the alcohol sweating out of my pores. Mmmm...crispy.

I went out on a first date with a guy tonight. At one point I literally thought he had been held under water for too long.

Moving on.

Um.



Things have come a long way at St. Anne's Crocheting Club in the church basement.

You can find the pattern here. Somebody make me this so I can proudly display this in my home.

I think it's really funny that I have to go to a seminar called, "Essentials of Management for Agency Supervisors," at the Westin on Friday when I'm not yet one. Is there a forecast of a promotion for Megan? I said'a, can I get some slaw with that?

I must say, I'm slightly shocked by the number of people who have found my site by googling, "Is Raven Simone Pregnant?" Just today, someone stumbled upon my site pondering the question, "Is Raven Simone Catholic?"

Folks, I don't know the answers to these questions. Hell, I'm a little concerned that you would take the time to Google it. But what I am an authority on is that Olivia Huxtable single handedly ruined "The Cosby Show," and is one of the most annoying child actors of all time. And as a Catholic, I can only hope and pray that she won't spawn, force her kid into acting, thus continuing the cycle of ruining television as we know it. She must be stopped.


Raven Simone, immediately after devouring Olivia Huxtable.

Adam Carolla hangs up on Ann Coulter.

My new obsession.



In fact, someone else loves it so much that he wrote a poem about it.

Ok, because I was given no other choice, I was forced to end things with Mark in a voicemail. I know, I KNOW.

If I told you I found out he liked Ann Coulter, would that make it more acceptable? I thought so.

The whole thing is so bizzare, I can't even stand to talk about it, so let's just move on.

Happy 4th of July, everyone.

I spent the last 5 days in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan at my best friend, Liz's, cottage. I can't really say it was "camping" when we had Kohler fixtures throughout, but it was MY kind of camping. I tried fly fishing, sport clay shooting (yes, I shot a gun for "sport," y'all), river walking, cray fishing, and sunbathed a lot. We bar hopped, hung out with the yocal locals who bought us 'a many 'a beer. We spent hours listening to the glorious accents on U.P. radio. They have a radio station devoted to people just selling random shit. A radio Ebay, if you will. They even give out cell phone numbers and their home addresses on air. Such a trusting group of people. I'm convinced the U.P. must be how America was in the '50s.

Nice to get away, good to be back. Drama is brewing already. More later...ugh.