It's my birthday. I will go crazy, thank you very much.

Tonight, I'm having dinner with a friend and then The Rockers and I are going to rock out with our cocks out at The Beacon in Forest Park. WOOOOO!

FUCK YOU ALL I STILL HAVE A FEW MINUTES UNTIL I'M 29.

Love you,
Megan
PS. I might of had a few cocktails.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. It's actually hot and sunny here, which is strange since it usually always rains.

Bob took me out for my birthday on Saturday night, which was awfully nice of him to do. We went to Vivere for a late dinner (num) and then it was off to the Burlesque show.

The difference between LA Burlesque and Chicago Burlesque is that the dancers in LA are actually hot. The ones in Chicago have wonky eyes and as Bob put it, "beefy." hahahaha. I just cracked myself up writing that. Anyway, it was a fun show and in between the burlesque dancers they had different variety acts come out. My favorite being this magician named Tomas who blew up one of those long clown balloons and proceeded to swallow the whole thing without the balloon popping. It made it even more amusing considering we were in "Boys Town." At one point, when he was about half way through, someone in the audience just started laughing and said, "holy shit!," which caused everyone to start laughing. No pictures were allowed (sorry, Brent) so you'll just have to come here if you want to see the wonky-eyed burlesque dancer for yourself. Only in Chicago!

I always thought owning a place would be too far out of my reach. Like, that's something that married people do and there's NO WAY I could ever do it on my own. So I never really gave too much thought about it and continued to be complacent with living on the same floor as a convicted sex offender. Ugh. Anyway.

Out of curiosity, I went to see exactly how much these new condos near my place cost and took the time to figure out how I could afford it. And it ends up it's not out of my reach at all. Now I'm all excited and have booked appointments for 4 condos tomorrow and bought a subscription to Domino magazine for some design inspiration.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present my new obsession.

In the most obvious statement ever made, Jack White leaves Detroit because it's "super negative". In other news, birds fly and I have blonde hair.

Celebrate my 29th (oh my god) Birthday with me!

What: The Belmont Burlesque Revue
(we've come a long way from the roller skating party)

Where: The Playground Improv Theater
3209 N. Halsted St.
Chicago, IL

When: Sat. May 27th, 2006

Time: 12:15 AM

Cost: $10 and it's BYOB.
Hour-long variety show features striptease, comedy and novelty acts. Hosted by Jack Midnight and Uncle Al. I'm sure some bar hopping and debauchery will happen afterwards.

SHAKE IT!

Guess who's landlord just installed a brand new, remote controlled, 3-levels of cooling, air conditioner in her living room? This baby's got 12,000 BTUs of pure comfort and purrs like a kitten. Wally will surely try to hump it in July when it's 100 degrees outside.

Hallelujah!

Did anyone else watch Oprah's "Legend's Ball" last night? Oh, that's right, you all have lives.

To recap the hour in 3 sentences:

"You are all legends in my book. Here are some diamonds. Sing Roberta Flack, SING LIKE YOU NEVER HAVE BEFORE!"

If I had to hear one more famous person say, "Oh my god, this is so AMAZING," I would've thrown my Oprah-endorsed lemon drop martini at the screen. The only thing that would've made that worthwhile is if they had honored Nell Carter. WHERE WAS HER TRIBUTE, OPRAH?

R.I.P. Vito.

May you never see another pool stick wherever you may be.

:: pours a 40 on the ground ::

Last night, I was invited over to the former Sikh's house right after work. We got to talking and ended up missing "The DaVinci Code." He suggested we go to the 9 o'clock show, but I told him I'd be too tired to see it (esp. since it got such so-so reviews). After a couple of drinks, I got the courage to ask him how he felt about things and to make a long story very short, gently told him that I didn't think we were very compatible. He was totally fine with it, but then asked me if he could still kiss me.

Um, that would be a "no."

And then he downed a shot.

The strangest part is that I get an email from him today asking if he could give his ex-wife my contact information because she's looking for more friends in the area. I've heard a lot about her and she seems cool, but don't you think that's weird? If friends ask me how we know each other, what am I supposed to say? "Uh, I went out with her ex-husband?"

Tonight, I'm going to dinner with my good friend, Laura (Lolo), and then I'm heading solo over to another Old School Records party.

Peace out.

A friend in Toronto emailed me and told me she saw the black version of me recently. Big ass and blonde wig? Check. I would die to see what this girl looks like.

In "I'm a Grown Up now!" news, this weekend I'm going to take a look at the floor plans of condo being built. From what I've heard, buying a place is a long, painful process. This place won't even be ready until 2007. I'm just dipping my toe in the deep end to see how it feels. My dad's advice is that you can afford a home that's 4 times your salary. Does that sound about right? People do this all the time, why am I so worried that I'm going to end up in a shoe box or :: shudders :: Maywood?

So, today, Jim from "Can't Get a Date" and I were emailing back and forth on MySpace and I found out that the narrator (who I have a secret, totally irrational crush on) is seeing somebody. FOILED AGAIN. I told Jim he should totally date Leticia because she's CRAZY. And then they could have their own spin off show like Flava Flav and Brigette or Peter Brady and that crazy girl from "America's Next Top Model."

I love MySpace.

In other news, does anyone have any tips for dumping a former Sikh? We've gone on three dates and I don't want to see him anymore. But instead of telling him that, do you know what I do? I agree to go see "The DaVinci Effing Code" with him this Friday. Who does that? A girl with no balls, that's who.

Seriously, telling a former Sikh that I no longer want to see him is going to be like 20 years of bad karma for me. Fuckin' A.

If you're as obsessed with the Vh1 show, "Can't Get A Date," as I am, here are some good out takes that I happened to find on MySpace. Yes, I'm taking it to a whole new level of obsession. Don't you judge me.

I'm back, bitches.

Do you know how hard it is to find a Mother's Day card for your mean grandma that says, "Well. We're related. Have a good one." Let me tell ya, it's hard. I was making puke faces in the card aisle everytime I had to read something like, "Hugs were invented by YOU, Grandma!" Please. I found one for $.94. Apparently, cheap cards mean cheap copy writers. God bless 'em, because they knew exactly what I wanted to say.

In other news, I'm totally addicted to VH1's new show "Can't Get a Date." Discuss.

I'd like to give a Mother's Day shout out to my mom, Peggy.

:: points straight ahead, like a rapper at an awards show :: Love you, mom!

Word 'em up.

I'm at my parents' house in Sheboygan through Sat. afternoon. I got home, and found out my mom is sick with a upper respiratory infection, which caused her somehow to develop pink eye in one eye. Sweet. So, it was just me and my dad at his retirement party last night. The party included a slide show presentation, which unfortunately included a photo of an unhappy, chubby 9-year-old Megan in her Communion dress -- let me tell ya, I was thrilled he chose THAT photo).

Good times.

In other news, my client from hell resigned today! This is the happiest day of my life!

Peace out.

For the next 2 days, I'll be at the The Fourth-Annual Experiential Marketing Summit, where we'll be gathering to learn how to solve crime and world poverty all while marketing the hell out of your brand.

Um, so I went on a date with a former Sikh this weekend. What'dya'll do?

Seriously. Stay at home, or go to a martini bar and drink vodka with a former Sikh. Sikh wins every time, dude.

I'm sure my mother would love it if I could just meet a nice American boy, but the Sikh is from Ohio, so I'm not really sure what to tell her there. What kin I zay? Ze foreign men (from Ohio)....zey love me. Anyway, he's a nice guy, but I'm not seeing it go much farther than talking about reincarnation, karma and eating curry tofu. My aura is too black for you, Sikh-y. Dem are da breaks.

I think all I have left is to date an Asian dude, and I've covered just about every race and religion (or non-religion). Palestinian Muslim? Yep. Mormon? Check. Atheist? Hell, I've dated two. African American-Jew? Tough to find, but yes.

I have yet to date a Norwegian/German-American former Catholic, though. I hear those people are freak shows.

There's a rumor going around the office that today is my birthday, so all these people are coming up and wishing me a happy birthday, even though it's not for another 3 weeks or something. Doughnuts were even purchased. Part of me thinks I should just go along with it if anyone else asks.

Nothing says "class" quite like the Margarita Bouquet. Mom, I'm totally getting you this for Mother's Day. I expect to see this as the centerpiece on our dining room table when I get home.

So, can somebody tell me if you eat a lot of popcorn, does your poop turn out corny? Like, granulars of popcorn? Don't you judge me, it's a valid question.

Please advise.

This weekend I may have karaoked to Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" and dueted to Blackstreet's "No Diggity," in front of about 100-150 people - the largest crowd I've ever sang in front of. My fear is that the camera phone photos taken will circulate the internet and totally ruin my political career.

An update on my experience with "A Day Without Immigrants":

It only took me 40 minutes to get home tonight, which is a new record for me. Normally, it takes me at least an hour to drive those 30 miles after work. I went to the Jewel grocery store after work and I checked out without waiting any longer than usual. DId anyone else have a different experience? Somehow, I don't think today was supposed to be a beneficial experience for me, so someone, somewhere isn't protesting correctly. Do over.

It's the morning on May 1st, and as many of you know, there are protests scheduled today in Chicago (and across the US) to demonstrate what life would be like without immigrants. So far, my experience has been that traffic on the Ike was super light today, so I'm all VIVA LA RESISTANCE! I'm sure I'll change my tune by the noon hour when I have to go to the predominantly Hispanic employed Walmart to buy Wally some cat food. I am really curious how the rally is going to turn out today. Let's hope peaceful.