I had high hopes for you, '05. 'Tis a pity you sucked so much ass.

Happy New Year to you all! Kick it.

*mwah*

Couple things:

1. Is it wrong that I like a song that came DIRECTLY from "The OC" soundtrack? The Subways "Rock and Roll Queen," which I downloaded for free and guarantee will be cranked in high school gyms across the US for Valentine's Day Dances. I heart Seth Cohen.

2. My iPod broke, which fucking blows. Should I get one of those video iPod jobbers or will that break on me, too?

3. Kevin Federline is my new Myspace friend.

That is all.

For Christmas, I wanted to sign you up for the Bacon of the Month club, but it was a little pricey. Might be worth it for the Bacon t-shirt or the Bacon of the Month Pig Ballpoint pen, though. hm.

I'm back from SheVegas, bitches.

I had a really nice Christmas Eve with my parents...and my grandma was there, too. I kid. My favorite tangent she had was about how a version of the NuvaRing contraceptive was around during HER grandma's time but it was made of metal and inbedded itself into the uterus and apparently women were getting sick left and right. She couldn't understand why they would bring this back, and then I gently informed her that most likely it's made out of latex or some sort of non-metal material now.

And Merry Christmas, everyone!

Santa was very kind to me - my favorite gift was probably the gift card for cooking lessons at Flavour Cooking School that my dad gave me. Yay!

Contrary to popular belief, there's not a whole lot going on in Sheboygan (shocking), so we headed out of town on the 26th to hit some of the sales. My favorite post-Christmas sale purchase was this. Cute toast! WOOT!

Taking the rest of the week off from work, resting up for New Years Eve. Thought about you guys and hope you all had nice Christmukkah's with your families, too.

Care for a holiday cocktail, ladies?





I put out.

Merry Christmas!

xoxo,
Wally

I love me some of "The OC" and "Laguna Beach," but I find that these lyrics truly speak to me.

"And here we go again
It's never gonna end
We're all so sick of California songs
Yeah we know you love L.A.
There's nothin' left to say
Please no more California songs!
...
and fuck New York, too "


Dare I say this is the TRUE Midwest anthem? Download California Songs live at The Double Door, Chicago, IL, to hear it. It's so ridiculous, I love it.

(Danke to Mr. Rocker).

Last night, I got quite the treat when I went over to The Rockers' house and met the snarky, quick-witted, "Write On Megs" resident harrasser Jeff, and his adorable, funny, why-is-she-with-Jeff, fiance, Lorraine.

I kid.

They're fantastic people who flew all the way in from Singapore for a one-night-only appearance at The Rockers before they disappeared into the night to exotic Glen Ellyn, IL.

Good food, strong drinks, and abundant laughs were had. Pictures to come shortly (hopefully from the Rockers, seeing as I AGAIN forgot to bring my camera). Always fun to meet fools who read this site.

FOOLS! ALL OF YOU!

Top 5 (Worst) Dates of 2005: The Year in Review.

Honorable mentions:

(This wasn't a "date," but was too good to not put on the list.) Feb. 13th, 2005: "Danced with a guy who smelled like a sub sandwich. Who told me that HE, in fact, will be my Valentine."

Dec. 16th, 2005: Spilled green food coloring all over kitchen counter. Proceeded to clean it up before the date, resulting in green monster hands.

And here are your top 5...

5. Jan. 30, 2005: Rocked the Sunday night first date with a guy named Tony to a Mexican restaurant. Ate the hottest pepper known to mankind. Proceeded to prepare for death. Waited 20 minutes for the waitress to bring me a glass of milk or for Tony to offer me a glass of his water. Talked about himself for an hour and a half, so I didn't have to worry about actually contributing to the conversation.

4. Jan. 10, 2005: "Last night I went on what possibly could be the shortest date in recorded history. A hour and a half, folks. At one point during dinner, I said, "I think you're a great guy, but I really don't see this going anywhere other than friends. How's your garlic chicken?"

3. July 31st, 2005: Went out with a US Naval Intelligence officer who spoke 5 languages and went to school in Switzerland. Meanwhile, I come from Sheboygan, WI, drink beer, and was wearing Daisy Fuentes sandals from Kohls.

2. Mar. 29th, 2005: "I went on a date with a former circus fire eater tonight." Enough said.

and number one goes tooooo....

1. Mar. 24th, 2005: Suspiciously gay ex tries to woo me back by saying he wants to go on "The Biggest Loser," but has to enter with a family member. Suggests we fake an engagement to get on reality television and calls me fat all in the same sentence.

:: golf claps ::

From all of us at "Write On, Megs" (me), here's to a better dating record in 2006. Cheers! *clink*

Last night, I walked into the Paper Source (a store that makes perfectionistic stay-at-home-moms cream in their pants) to buy some simple ribbon to wrap a gift. I bought some satin purple ribbon thinking it would be a nice touch. What I didn't realize that 2 yards of the stuff would cost me over $10. FOR RIBBON.

Even sadder, I have no idea really what to do with it. I would been better off just slappin' on one of the paper bows like I usually do every year. Fuck this shit.

Merry Christmas!

There was another reality-show "celebrity" at the party I was at last night.

This girl looked extremely familiar to me, and I was trying to remember where I might have met her. She sort of stared at me, too, so I finally asked, "Where do I know you from? Did we hang out somewhere before?" And our friend shouted, "She's Jackkay from the show, "I Want to Be A Hilton!" Poor girl was so embarrassed, she left the room. I should have, too, for admitting I actually WATCHED that show. I thought we must've knew each other from the way she stared at me, but turns out, she just liked my shirt.

I wish I could give you some dirt like she said Kathy Hilton is a bitch, but turns out apparently she's quite nice and still calls her on occassion. And she didn't get a dime for placing second.

This is the second reality show "celebrity" I've seen at a party, proving yet again that I watch way too much TV.

I received the most amazing gift in the mail today.

For anyone that knows me, they'll know that I'm an only child. My holidays are spent with my wonderful parents, an evil grandma, and two fat cats. I've never really known too much more of my family outside of that. In fact, in 2002, I was sitting in a bar next to my first cousin (I was in town for my grandpa's funeral) and he turned to me and said, "Megan?," and I had no idea that I was sitting next to a relative. Pathetic.

So, today I received from a great uncle a complete listing of my entire family tree, along with addresses and email of each relative. It honestly feels like I gained my family back today, as weird as that may sound. In his letter, he says that as a child he felt "lost in a veritable forest of family trees," and "my dream is that this wouldn't happen to you," so he put this together.

I broke down and cried. This means so much to me, it's like I found out who my entire family is today.

Seriously, the best Christmas present ever.

Last night, I went out on a first date with this guy, Kevin. Kevin's tall, like, 6'4", and I realized about 2 minutes into the date, that's pretty much all we have in common. Blerg. However, the date itself isn't the good part of the story. The good part of the story is right BEFORE I went to meet up with him, I was running around my apartment when i noticed an entire bottle of green food coloring had accidentally tipped over on my kitchen counter. GREEN. EVERYWHERE. I had this fear that if I let it dry, it would stain the countertops (hi, i rent) and freaked out trying to clean it up. Did you know that Green Food coloring stains your hands? Like, bad? Try it sometime, it's fun! Except not when you're going on a first date with someone. So, I'm running late, but I'm desperately scrubbing my hands, but it's not coming off, and FUCK, I'm late. So, I went on the date with Green monster hands.

It was doomed from the very beginning, fair Kevin. Adieu. Adieu.

There's this program I'm working on where a participant's last name is "Fat." Can you imagine the trama if you were a girl with that last name in America? Or if you went on the "Family Feud?"

"Let's welcome The Fat Family from Wichita, Kansas..."

Bah.

Last night, a vendor threw us a holiday party (since my company's too cheap to throw one themselves) and today I'm all duh.

When I get out of this fog, I will get back to posting.

Dear Weatherman,

I went out and bought more baking crap last night thinking that those 3 - 5" were going to hit by 8 AM today, just like you said. But, IT DIDN'T. If we get to Christmas and I still have Ghirardelli chocolate chips lying around the house, so help me God, I'm going to follow you down the street and throw them at you.

Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch,

Megan

Sigh.

Why does every hair stylist I go to insist on telling (more like whispering to) me about their past coke binges? This is the second one in a row. Seriously, it's not attractive and ESPECIALLY not when you're holding sharp object and my head in your hands.

Yesterday, I took another class at The Chopping Block at the Merchandise Mart. God, I love that place. It's always depressing to come home to my tiny kitchen after working with 4 professional stoves, Kitchenaid everything, Silpat mats for every cookie sheet and $40 vanilla extracts.

They had a cookie contest, and the Chicago woman with the winning recipe was there to teach us how to make it. They are fucking amazing, so I thought I would share it with you:

Boombalas

4 tbls. margarine, softened
14 oz., chunky peanut butter (although we just used creamy)
1/2 pound powdered sugar
2 1/2 cups rice krispies
6 oz. semi sweet chocolate chips
1 tablespoon crisco

Mix together the softened margarine with the peanut butter. Add all of the powdered sugar. Fold in half the rice krispies and blend well. Fold in the remaining rice krispies. The mixture will be firm and take a little while to completely mix together.

Line two sheet trays with parchment paper. Form little balls of the mixture, about 1 inch round and place on the sheet tray.

Using a double boiler, melt half of the chocolate chips and half of the Crisco. When the chocolate is melted, start dipping each ball into the chocolate, by stabbing the middle of the ball (ow!) with a toothpick. Be sure to keep the chocolate warm. Once the balls have been dipped (heh), stab it again to remove, and line on the parchment lined sheet tray.

When you are half way done with the balls, melt the rest of the chocolate and Crisco together and then continue dipping.

When they are done, refrigerate the Boombalas until the chocolate is hardened. They can also be kept in the freezer.

Yields approx. 50 Boombalas

SNOW DAY!!*




*laptop and cell are still chained to me, but there WILL be a break made for "Passions."

At least the ladies at church bingo will get to continue to puff away. The good Lord was looking down on ya, St. Hubert's Bingo Hall in Beverly, wasn't He?

May ye be blessed and hack freely.

Forgive this girly commentary, but what the hell is Carlos Santana doing designing shoes? Shouldn't he be writing more crappy music somewhere?

You guys.

My landlord, Dragan, put up Christmas lights yesterday, and WOW, it looks bad. Like, so embarrassingly bad that I'm not inviting anyone over to even pick me up at my apartment through the new year.

Someone else in my building must of also thought the display was bad because they found a plug and turned a set of snowflake lights lights off. Lots of fast blinky lights.

I might have a seizure before this holiday season is over.

I've done some dumb things in my life (example: the post below) but ranking right up there was agreeing to meet my mom during the Christmas shopping season on Michigan Avenue for a "little holiday shopping." A lobotomy would've made more sense and been less painful. Although it was very nice to see her.

Also, 'tis the season where exes try to get in touch with you and "see if we can be friends again!," which is 9 times out of 10 such bullshit. Especially when one of them threatened to show up at my company Christmas party two years ago. What part of "You're an asshole" loses it's effect after that amount of time?

Please, please (for me) if you are drinking, please do not drive.

This might sound like a random (and obvious) reminder, but I just got pulled over for speeding and had to do a field sobriety test (I passed), but it was the scariest shit I've ever been through.

No drink is fucking worth 10 grand in fines and legal fees. Be smart.

Love, Megs

Fuck, this sounds like a lame after school special.

Dad, you might want to sit this one out.

Bail out.

I was 23 and working for Cadillac/Pontiac's ad agency in Troy, MI. A (slightly older - early 30s) copywriter who worked at the same agency (but I did not work directly with), Jon, and I were out for drinks with co-workers one night. We ended up dating for maybe a month or two.

Eventually, the relationship was starting to sour a bit...it's like in that movie "Office Space" where Peter just has a sneaking suspicion that his girlfriend is cheating on him and everyone around him says, "Yeah, I know what you mean." I sort of had that feeling with this guy. One Saturday morning I get a call from him (highly unusual). The conversation went a little something like this:

"Hello?"
"Megan? It's Jon." (sounds serious)
"Hi! What's goin' on?"
"Um, I need you to do me a favor."
"Ok...?"
"I don't have a lot of time to talk, but I'm at the Pleasant Ridge Police Department right now, and I need you to come here, get my house keys, go to my apartment, and go into my bedroom and grab the blue notebook and bring it back to me."
"WHAT?"
"I'll explain later."
"Ok...I'll be right there."

I get off the phone and tell my roommate at the time, Laura, what's going on. She tells me that she wants to come with me. So, together we drive over to the Pleasant Ridge Police Dept. (which looks and sounds just like Mayberry Police Station - I was practically looking around for Otis) and walk inside. I see Jon being detained in a small room and he hands the keys to the officer. We don't make eye contact, but I can see him. I still have no idea at this time what he's being detained for. I walk outside and see a police officer and ask him what he's in there for. Apparently, he had a number of unpaid tickets. (parking? speeding? I don't know).

I leave and Laura and I drive over to his apartment. I go inside, find this blue notebook, but we don't leave right away. I sit down, (and I know this is wrong) but I flipped through the notebook to see what he could possibly need in there. I'm hoping it's a lawyer's number or something, but it ends up it's a phone number of another girl. Who we also work with. She's an art director, so there's no way that this woman is in law or anything to help him out. There was "other" evidence that he was seeing this woman lying around his apartment, too. I'll leave it at that.

I drive back to the police station FUMING. I nearly didn't drop it off, but Laura told me to take the high road with this one and "don't make an ass out of yourself." I drop it off, and about 8 hours later, he calls. I don't answer, but he leaves a message thanking me for doing what I did. By this point, I was still angry and wanted answers, so I called him back and let him know what I had suspected and found.

He told me that he didn't think we were serious and not exclusive. He certainly never made me feel that way. So I asked him never to contact me again and to ignore me in the halls at work. He ended up getting fired a few months later, so that made me feel a whole lot better about the whole situation.

After that, I learned to never, ever to date someone you work with. Or, as my boss puts it, "You don't piss where you drink."