So, the other day, I'm standing in the check out line at the Jewel-Osco when this woman literally cuts in front of me and proceeds to start giving her items to the check-out girl. She KNEW she did it because she turned and looked at me, expecting me to say something.

Now, I am normally NOT one to be stepped on, but I just wasn't in the mood to fight or make a scene and just wanted to get the fuck out of there. So instead, I proceeded to give her the "What the fuck?" look, followed by the death stare.

I change check out lanes and continue the death stare when I think, "Karma's a bitch." I don't know why I thought that because I don't even necessarily believe in karma. Maybe I'm watching too many "My Name is Earl" commercials.

Anyway, not more than 2 seconds later she's leaving the checkout line and all of her groceries spill all over the place. I think "Ha! Yeah!"

I think this proves that my powers over the universe are mightier than we initially thought.

Don't fuck with me.

If you live in Chicago (or the area), you should know about GrubHub.com. Type in your address and it tells you of all the restaurants that deliver to you. I always get bored with ordering from the same pizza place or Thai place, so it's nice to know this exists. You can even catagorize it by type of food. I found a place that delivers fried chicken to my house. Sweet.

Received some bad news about our upcoming NYC weekend. My aunt ended up in the hospital on Sunday after she fell and suffered a compound fracture in her leg (um, OW) so she won't be able to go. I'm so bummed - the whole point of the trip was to get her, my mom and I to spend some time together, and now that won't be happening. Crud. She was so excited and told everyone she was going, so I just feel bad. I'll have to send her a card and let her know we'll have to do it again sometime.

So, my mom and I are turning this into a mother/daughter trip since, well, it's all paid for. If any of you have any restaurant recommendations you could give a couple of Wisconsin broads who don't want to be on the beaten path, lemme know.

Sigh.

I forgot to mention that yesterday Laura made me sit last week's episode of "The OC." And I'm sad to report that after getting caught up on who is who, etc., I'm hooked.

I'm fucking hooked just like the rest of you bastards.

Really, the only difference is that you all had to wait years for Marissa to finally give it up to Ryan and I just had to wait about 10 minutes.

Yesterday, my friend, Laura, and I woke up early to take a hands-on cooking class at The Chopping Block in the Merchandise Mart. We learned how to make roasted rack of lamb with apple mint chutney, french onion soup, roasted butternut squash, and cheesecake with raspberry sauce.

And right after that, we went to the Bears game.

Such a weird day to go from roasted rack of lamb with apple mint chutney to beer, men screaming and farting in the pouring rain at the Bears game.

You know, just a couple of broads enjoying a Sunday.

Recently, I had to take Sir Walter Fattington to the vet for his annual checkup.



Like a concerned mom, I said to the vet, "I dunno. He's a really picky eater and doesn't seem to be eating very much. I don't think he's even 5 pounds. If you have any recommendations of what I could do to make sure he gains some weight, just lemme know."

She starts the regular check up of his ears, teeth, eyes, and at one point the poor lil guy had to have his temperature taken anally - and he didn't cry, but wow, did he look pissed off. It was great, I totally wish I had a camera. Payback for every morning that you wake me up at 5 AM, Wal.

She finally put him on the scale and said, "Well. He's 11 and 3/4 lbs. I'd actually like him to lose 2 lbs."

Woah! Fattie actually had to lose weight!

(I don't think he likes it when I point out the "trouble areas.")



When we got home, if Chubbs wasn't sleeping, he was ignoring me. He was pissed off, angry and depressed. I knew this diet wasn't going to go well.



At one point this week, he was so angry, he tried to eat his feather teaser. Which society probably thinks is a little "gay" for him to have, but whatever. He loves it and I don't want to oppress him.



Chubbs, I want you to know that you're not alone and we're going to do this together. Progress reports to come...now, lay off the Pounce snacks, Wally.

Like Ken said, "If I wanted to shop at Macy's, I'd go to NY."

There aren't very many old iconic names associated with Chicago anymore, so it's kinda sad to see Marshall Field's go (even though Macy's promise not to change a thing with the State Street store).

I think it's a branding mistake, especially in the Chicago market. In other cities (like Atlanta and Memphis), they eased consumers in by calling it Goldsmith-Macy's for a few years until they finally just dropped the "Goldsmith" name. It definitely doesn't seem to be the smartest move Macy's could have made, but I guess we'll have to wait and see if the people of Chicago reject it or not.

As for me, I'll boycott until I realize I need new shoes and there's a really good sale going on. But if they try bring that lame parade, American Sings! singers or those damn giant balloons to this city, I'll bring my blow dart gun and Macy's will wish they never fucked with the likes of the Midwest.

:: cracks knuckles ::

Uh, why didn't any of you tell me I'm wearing a shirt that has coffee stains on it?

Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot.

Last night included 4 Americans, 1 British guy, beer, and stories of "crop dusting" regarding bodily functions.

Hungover.

A few years ago when we lived in the Detroit area, my friends (I'm outting Thode to being a part of this, too) and I would get together to watch "Dawson's Creek" and "Felicity." We'd drink boxed wine (klassy) and everytime Joey Potter talked out of the side of her mouth or Officer Douggie simply showed up, we'd drink. Most memorable, we would sing along to the theme song of "Felicity," except we never really knew the words, so we would just sing the words, "Felicity!" over and over to the music.

Both shows have ended and our get togethers have disbanded now (sadness), and Laguna Beach (The REAL O.C., people) has filled the void. Now that we all live in different parts of the country/world, and I find myself sitting at home alone watching Tivoed episodes of Laguna (as the kids say) and singing along to the theme song BY MYSELF. And SOBER.

"Cause perfeccct....didn't it feel so perffeeect...
Trying to fit a square into a circle was no liiiiffee...
IiIiI....defffyyy..
Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams
Let it rush away my san-i-ty
Cause I wanna feel the thunder, I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down, I'm coming cleannn
IiiIII'm coming cllleeann."

I like making mention of new lows I've hit (you know, to keep myself in check), and I'd have to say, this is it.

Sing with me!

Edit to add: New, NEW low: I just found out I've been singing the wrong lyrics and that it's a HILARY DUFF song.

:: cries ::

Our very own Thode produced My Morning Jacket's latest video, "Off The Record." However, she did NOT tell me three of our friends, Laura, Amol and Hong are IN it. Laura was a former roommate of mine and is one of the girls getting hauled away in cuffs in the video. She is also getting married this weekend in Detroit (Thode is a bridesmaid), which should be a very good time. Reunited and it feels so goooood.

Thode, I assume that means if there's ever a shoot in Chicago, I will be your latest video "it" chick.

Preferably in a jacuzzi feeding grapes to some rapper in slow mo.

Porn Star or Pop Star?

I'm embarrassed to admit, I got 100% on this.

(link via Liquid Generation)

Anyone who personally knows me has probably heard me tell the story of Snowball. Apparently, this little boy had to part ways with his beloved dog outside the Superdome and reporters said that he was so upset that he cried until he vomited. Do you know how upset you have to be to fucking vomit? No little kid should have to feel like that. The story just killed me, I literally teared up at work reading it.

Well, I'm happy to report they found Snowball and are reuniting him with the little boy. Hopefully sans disease so the little boy doesn't vomit from petting him.

Yay!

I was walking through Borders on Monday when I came across this gem. Literally, the inside cover says something like, "Yo, I was a fat kid" or something ridiculous like that. Genius. Who knew this kid could even read?

Is it wrong to stop dating a guy because he has a lame tattoo?

Like, there's nothing necessarily "wrong" with him per se, but I have noticed that the minute I see a lame tattoo on a guy I'm out with, I immediately think, "Well, this just isn't gonna work out. Fuck."


Call me shallow, but if you were dating a guy that had a fuckin' SMILEY SUN tattoo that you wouldn't do the same? And on his ANKLE nonetheless. Come! On! Nothing screams, "I am a pussy!" more than the smiley sun tattoo. And you wanna know what the sad thing is? The sad thing is, this is the SECOND guy I've gone on a date with that has had a smiley sun tattoo! What are the chances, right?

I kinda see it as a favor he's actually doing me. Once you see the lame tattoo, you can be thankful you didn't extend the relationship any farther to have to sit through any like, Dave Matthews Band concerts or something.

:: sighs in exasperation, knowing at this moment, I am destined to be alone, forever, and probably deserve it ::

Check out what Brooks is doing. Not only did he offer to help Shana and Erik out, but he's auctioning off some of his a-ma-zing photographs and the auction winners write their checks directly to the Red Cross.

Here are Brooks' photos for auction:

Other photographers are joining together to do the same. Check out: Flickr Katrina Relief Auction.

I'd like you all to know, now that summer has unofficially come to a close, I have just found my sunglasses.

It's...been a squinty summer.

I've received a few really nice responses to help out Erik and Shana, and we sincerely thank you guys.

If you happen to have any job leads for Erik, here is his site to check out his work.

Thanks for helpin' a brother out.

Meet Shana and Erik.



Isn't Erik's kittie t-shirt adorable? I know! That's when I fell in love with him too.

So, here's the situation:

Shana and Erik live(d) in New Orleans. They were fortunate and evacuated the city 2 days before the hurricane hit. They had packed 5 days worth of clothes and headed 2 hours away to Lafayette, LA, to stay with a friend, Byron's parents. Unfortunately, little did they know when they left that they would lose literally everything to Hurricane Katrina.

They have nothing. Like thousands of others, they have no jobs, no housing, no clothes other than what they packed, nothing. It is utter chaos in that region, so they have decided to pick themselves up as best as they can and head out West. Their eventual plan is to head to Portland, OR (Shana had lived there a few years ago and figured it's a city she knows best) and start over. Before I ask for help, let me point out that we are all aware of how lucky they are to even be alive, to have gotten out, and to have friends and family to help them. Certainly, lot of people were less fortunate. However, there are a few little ways you might be able to help my friends:

What they could use your help with:

I would love to try and help both Erik and Shana as best as I can to normalize their lives again. If any of you have any job leads or apartment leads in the Portland, OR, area that would be a huge help. Erik is a graphic designer and luckily took his laptop with him, so hopefully he can pick up some freelance work in the meantime. Shana worked in retail (music retail, specifically) and if you could send me a name, phone number or email address of a contact, that would be fantastic. Also, they both lost their bikes, which were rather prized possessions - so if you know of anyone selling a bike or with an extra one lying around that's a fixer-upper, they could use 'em. Especially Shana, because she doesn't have a car either.

Little things that would mean a lot:

Shana had a pretty priceless record collection and if you're feeling inspired, I was thinking of burning cds to send to her and Erik. I feel kinda limited in my collection, so anything that you could burn would be great. Minus any Jimmy Buffet. Then, you're not helping, you're just hurting. heh. Kidding. Plus, I think it would be pretty great to get mix cds from people all over care and to show them all is not lost. Disaster Relief Remix 2005.

Of course, the American Red Cross is a great place to donate, but if you're feeling extra giving and want to send a small Walmart or Target gift card so these guys could buy literally the bare necessities (underwear, socks, etc.) and know exactly who it's going to, that would also be VERY appreciated. Plus, I could post what they ended up buying using your gift card and post it on this site. "Look, it's pictures of Shana's new underwear courtesy of Ned in Nebraska!" Disaster relief spelled F-U-N, courtesy of Y-O-U.



Shana and Erik, enjoying a dip in their old pool on a hot New Orleans summer day.

If you are able to lend a helping hand in any way, please contact me directly at: Uvolks2@hotmail.com and I will forward along their contact information.

Thank you guys so much - seriously.