I knew my date last night was a little out of my league (you'll see why in a minute), so I kinda went out of my way to make sure that I felt good going into it. New outfit (luckily, I have a couple of upcoming weddings I can wear it for again), new haircut, manicure, pedicure, I even vacuumed the inside of my car, for chrissakes.

Now, I've gone on dates with some interesting people before (Fire eater, Horse racer, Suspiciously gay, etc.), but none that were U.S. Naval Intelligence Officers. For a while, he didn't really pinpoint exactly what he did. The guy (as he explained it) does "spooky" things for the US Military (in a nutshell fights terrorism and espionage). He speaks 7 languages fluently (English, Italian, French, German, Farsi, Arabic, and Slovenian - for good measure), is from New York, raised between the Middle East (Iran) and Switzerland (for school), and on the side, conducts joint business ventures trying to patent new medicines. He's (obviously) older than me (40), extremely intelligent, well mannered, a true gentleman, and fascinating.

Hi. I'm Megan. Originally from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Bratwurst Capital of the World. Sometimes I swear too much and drink Miller Lite.

With my best foot forward (Daisy Fuentes sandals from fucking KOHLS), we actually had a great time. We ate on the patio at Gibsons, had coffee across the street in the park, had a beer before seeing the movie, "Crash" - his third time, my first - excellent film). He actually just called and wants to get together again today and later dinner at Fogo de Chao. I guess it beats my plan of sitting around and watching a rerun of "Desperate Housewives." Gotta hop in the shower now. More later.

And I promise not to tell this one about the blog.

As I reread this, I realize no one is going to fucking believe me.

Tonight, I'm going to a fence warming party at Mr. and Mrs. Rocker's house. They just got this new fence and we're going to stand against it, drink beer, and yell at kids. Gotta give them props for thinking of creative ways for us to get together to drink.

Tomorrow. First date. At Gibsons. I will commence fasting now.

Update: Talked to Liz tonight and we're getting together in a couple of weeks. Yay!

Random question for foreign readers:

Do you have a show called, "So you think you can Dance?" in your country? It's kinda like a reality show dance competiton and it's craptastic. I'd love to see Eastern European countries put their hands on their knees and just start to pop their ass. Go Czech girl, go Czech girl, go!

I'm pretty sure this same question was asked at the last UN Summit, so all you haters can suck it.

In all sincerity today, I said, "You really need to start getting into "Laguna Beach."

I honesty don't know why I like that show. It's just a bunch of rich, white kids acting bitchy, but I can't seem to tear myself away.

Sigh...I really need a hobby.

My best friend since I was a kid, Liz, got married this past weekend.

To be honest, I couldn't remember which weekend in July it was because only immediate family were invited. It's still a sore subject (only in my thoughts) and I know I should get over it already. I called her parents' house and left a voicemail message wishing her a great day, but so far haven't talked to her. I think what bothers me the most is just the fact that it seems we're drifting apart and I honestly can't think of a more sad thought at this moment. Ugh. Still makes me cry.

Someone at work just asked me what my husband does. *snicker*

I should've just made something up.

"Um, he's a Rocker. You may have heard of him. Eddie Money? Yeah, "Two Tickets to Paradise" was written on our honeymoon."

Now if I was only about 50 that might be believable. Maybe I should go for a Jason Mraz. Although I think I would kill myself if I was married to that guy.

:: ponders B-list singers ::

My Two Sentence Movie Reviews (which is why I don't do this for a living):

I finally saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" this weekend with Betty R., and I gotta say, it was great. The only thing I liked better was the original Grandpa Joe (not to say the new one wasn't great, though) and the variety of the original Ooompa Lumpas (or however the hell you spell it).

Yesterday was the hottest day of the year (so far), so my friend, Erin, and I decided to see a movie that took place on the coldest place on earth. All I can really say is that this movie made me really want a baby penguin.

"You have got to be kidding that you're taking pictures of me in this god damn heat, lady."

Now that I've recovered from my amazing victory at Klein Creek Golf Club, home to Write On, Megs' amazing 60 ft. approach shot that I SANK (Tiger Woods would kill for a shot like that some days), we're supposed to have a heat index today of 115 degrees.

I'm pretty sure this is what it's like if we lived on the sun.

My plans today include heading to my friend Erin's pool and floating all day. Yes, I have sunscreen on.

Guess who won "Closest to the Pin" for ladiessss and won a brand new sand wedge?

Oh yes, it was me.

I will SCHOOL YOU in old man sports, yo.

Today, I was invited to play golf with some co-workers. The good news is, I know how to play (thanks for making me take all those god damn lessons I hated as a kid, mom and dad!), can hold my own pretty well, and won't make a total ass of myself. (Now that I say that, you know I'm going to trip into a mucky pond trying to scoop out my ball with a nine iron).

The more important question is, when did I turn into a balding 55-year-old man?

Does it freak me out to find out that Andy Milonakis is OLDER than me?



The answer is yes.

Mother nature was not kind to you, fair Andy.

Lately, after I turn off the water to the shower and open the shower curtain, there's Wally. Sitting on the toliet seat cover, staring at me. Judging.

And the he runs away meowing and crying as if I've physically hurt him in some way.

Dude, if your cat can't even stand to look at you naked, maybe it's time to hit the gym a little harder.

Sigh.

Update: So, I didn't win the MegaMillions.

I guess that means I'll see you god damn people back here again tomorrow.

Oops, I mean, I love my readers. See ya tomorrow!

Today, as I was buying my MegaMillions ticket (go ahead and scoff at the white trashiness now, but you'll be crying when I'm a MegaMillionnaire, bitches!), the little Hindi lady behind the counter had a shirt on that said,

"Love Breake Hearts."

Isn't it cute when non-native English speakers wear clothes made (most likely) by other non-native English speakers with incorrect English printed on it and no one knows any better?

I love Amer-ee-ca!

Yesterday, I bought a canister of cashews and like a good co-worker, I set them out for people to take a few as they wish. Little did I realize I would receive the following comments from people (ok, two co-workers that I b.s. with):

"Hey, nice nuts."
"Megan, I'm just gonna grab a few of your nuts, do you mind?"
"Megan, your nuts taste so good."

Seriously, get these things away from me right now. That's the LAST TIME you're going to see my nuts, people!

Don't be goin and fuckin' up my childhood, Tim Burton.

Probably no one else is nuts enough to TiVo it, but did anyone else catch the White Stripes on mtv2? Did you see all the Brazilian hipsters rockin' out?! They performed in this gigantic Opera house and also had to shut down the town square to broadcast the concert on giant screens for everyone to see. Um, the Stripes aren't even that popular in Detroit. Pele must have taken the day off, because, dang, Brazil. You out "fan-ed" us, hands down.

In case you missed it, they're re-airing it tomorrow at midnight (CST) on regular ole MTV.

For lunch, I had one of those South Beach Diet frozen meals with a side of Cheetos.

You, Megan, set the standard in good health.

This weekend while driving on Devon, I saw on a bank's scrolling message board,

"Islamic Financing!"
*flash*
"Call Naiz for details"

Uh, shouldn't the government maybe check that out? Just a thought.

For the record, I do not recommend trying to turn the game, Memory, into a drinking game. Before we began, I said all smug, "Not to brag, but I used to be really good at this game as a kid. My dad used to say how amazed he was at how much I remembered." My friend, Steph, just replied, "Uh, don't you think he was maybe trying to LET you win?"

Three sheets to the wind later, I realized that my dad, in fact, let me win.

The Pixies/Weezer show the other night was good. I was a bit disappointed in the fact that the Pixies OPENED for Weezer (damn teenagers), so we missed their first song. Kim Deal was (again) all cute and all smiles, which makes me think SOMEONE is on some good anti-depressants. No one smiles that much...unless you're making loads of money off of chumps like me, I guess. The show seemed short, so I was a little sad when it ended. My client is sponsoring Lollapalooza (yeah, I didn't know that still existed, either) so I might get to see them for free in Grant Park in a couple of weeks. Yay!

As for Weezer - Rivers' outfit was delightfully ironic (striped polo underneath an checkered sport coat - ugh). Looks like someone had a little shopping spree in Williamsburg, eh, Rivers? Thanks for exposing the Midwest kids to your fashion sense - now all the kids are going to be running around here looking just like assholes, too. :: holds up Weezer "W" signal in the air ::

Betty R. should have some pictures soon...

Takin' the next couple days off of work. Can I get a Amen-nah?

Betty Rocker and I are driving up to the world's largest music festival, which is not in trendy Austin, nor in New York City, but in l'il ole Milwaukee, WI - home to Summerfest. We'll be seeing the Pixies and Weezer who are playing there tonight. WOOT.

The last time I was at Summerfest (I think I was 21), I passed out from dehydration and had to be carted away in a little golf cart ambulance while standing in the beer line for my parents (of all people), so lets hope this trip is a little more merry, shall we?

Ah, family fun in Wisconsin. Good times.

I've been having a tough time figuring out how to compose this post, because I feel like it doesn't have a definite ending. I've been known to talk about poop and then turn around and say, "Hey, did I tell you my parents were just in Ireland?," so I apologize for the rambling that is about to ensue.

I picked up John on Saturday afternoon from the airport. I didn't notice it right away, but when he was finally standing next to me I noticed how much weight he had lost (30+ lbs., he said). He's looking good, happy, and healthy. Not to be outdone by a boy, I made him stop at the mall so I could buy some fancy self-tanning creme. John's Italian and I can't stand seeing my blue veins next to his perfect dark skin, so I felt like I had to resort to some [albiet extremely lame] drastic measures, just so I didn't look sickly. The nice thing about John is that I could be standing in front of him with zit creme, Crest Whitestripes, my ugly glasses, and a bad self-tanning accident waiting to happen, and he doesn't flinch. Maybe he's going blind. I better remind him to go get his yearly glaucoma test done.

Anyway, we crammed more things into this weekend than a 350 lb. woman in hotpants.

Some highlights include:

- Went to Avec for dinner (num, num, num) and then headed to see Wicked.
- Found out John's scalped tickets were actually for Aug. 7th instead of July 2nd. Fuck!
- This situation was actually better than 2 other women we ran into who had bought tickets from a scalper only to find out their tickets were for the show in NEW YORK that same night. They had flown to Chicago for the show and everything.
- Ended up buying tickets from a scalper outside for face value only 4 rows back from where we were supposed to sit, and ended up sitting next to the same two misplaced women. Bonding ensued.
- The show was great, great, great!
- Watched the greatest show on television (I love that show, so yes, it's a weekly highlight for me)
- Went to The Rockers for a fun bbq and played croquet after dark, complete with cocktails and a flood light.
- Took John to Superdawg® for a proper Chicago hotdog.
- Saw the move "Cinderella Man" for free (and my hatred for Renee reduced to a mere disdain).
- Afterwards, we stood on the roof of a parking garage and watched the fireworks of 3 cities at the same time while standing in the rain. Seriously, the only thing missing was John Cusack and I would've sworn I was misplaced in a scene of a movie.

Seriously, I really got to stop being friends with exes.

I dropped John off at the airport at quarter to 5 this morning, so I'm a little too groggy to post all the goings-on from the weekend. More later on...

For the record, Bloc Party's album is fun. Yes, I realize I'm late to the (bloc) party on that one.