In honor of me being alive to work this damn job, my grey cube was decorated by our intern. She is the "hot" intern from last summer, who I can't believe actually came back after the summer we had last year. Clearly, she is in a sorority back at her college, since ohmygawd, there was a princess crown included.

:: herkies ::

She brought a yummy chocolate cake, but my favorite part is that she brought a pinata with images of our client's face and devil horns. Using a plastic Fisher Price baseball bat, I beat the shit out of it and candy spilled out all over the place. It was like a scene out of "Office Space." And it was good candy! Not like, the Mexican candy that will give you lead poisoning.

They want to make sure I don't call in sick tomorrow.

28.
28.
28.
28.
28.

I'm trying to get used to saying I'm 28 today.

I'm one step closer to holding a "29 forever" coffee mug in my hand and having "mom" hair.

:: shudders::

Celebrations tonight will be held at Comiskey Park watching the Sox play with a few beers and some good company.

I'm sure this will come as much of a shock as Jen and Brad, but Fire Eater and I have decided to call it quits. It was a mutual decision, but we will (hopefully) remain friends and we hope you can respect our privacy at this time. (heh - I threw that in for dramatic effect - like anyone cares). Nice guy, we just had different goals, and I wish him well. Honestly.

Seriously, though...what if my soulmate is ugly?

Insanely cheap fares to New York have prompted me to invite my mom and aunt to New York for a girls theatre weekend this Fall. We've been talking about it for a couple of years, and I think it would be nice to do. They're both really funny women and I think it would actually be a blast.

My mom called my aunt to see if she was interested, and her immediate response (in her thick Wisconsin accent) was, "Oh yah. Ooh, I'm gooo-ing on a die-et right. now."

Ok, you New Yorkers. What are some good sites to check out for reasonably priced hotels and theater tickets? Any must-try restaurants?

My 10-year high school reunion is this weekend, and I've decided not to attend. It really wasn't a hard decision for me to make. Especially after it was changed into an all-you-can eat brat fry and kegger party from 3:30 to 7:30pm. I wish I were kidding.

I love and hate you, Sheboygan.

I know it's a very girly thing to do, but every now and then close friends of mine will ask questions like, "When you get married, will you get married in Chicago or Sheboygan?" or "How many kids do you want someday?" And for some reason it always, always shocks me when I hear that some of my friends...smart, educated, good friends of mine want 3 or 4 (or more) kids.

Maybe it's because I grew up as an only kid, but I can't ever, ever, EVER imagine having more than 1 kid (should I be lucky enough someday, after careful planning and consideration). Like, the thought completely boggles my mind. And it's not because I can't imagine the human body can fit more than one watermelon through such a tiny place (a very special place), but how the hell do you afford something like that? Plus, kids cry and poop a lot and stuff.

I finally succomb to it tonight.

...

I googled "Tom Cruise + Gay."

If his performance in "War of the Worlds" is as nearly as bad as it was on Oprah last night, Steven Spielberg is in big trouble.

The most delightfully freaky woman on television. Looking an awful lot like Bree Van de Kamp should.



God damn, I love this show. What the hell am I going to do until Fall? GO OUTSIDE?!

This weekend, I was a bridesmaid in my friends', Laura & Chad, wedding. I'm such a sucker when Canon in D starts. No matter whose wedding it is, when that song comes on, I usually turn into a blubbering idiot. Would someone PLEASE write a different song to walk down the aisle to? Maybe something a little peppier with a sweet little guitar riff? (Edit to add: I found this very funny dance remix version - I love the internet. I picture some Jersey Shore club kid walking down the aisle to this) I tried to keep it together for the pictures sake, but it was touch and go there for a few steps. The bridesmaid dress I wore was beautiful (lavender, halter-style neckline top, A-line long skirt), but was a little too revealing in the whole "chestal" area for my liking. I didn't think Jesus would appreciate it very much while in church, but he made me this way, so it's His own fault.

I gave my dad the camera to get photos, and this is one of the shots that I got back.



The man shouldn't quit his day job.

Oh, and I caught the bouquet. It was either catch it or let it hit me in the shoulder, so I really had no choice.

Fire Eater Coaster Boy has been on vacation the past week, so my hobbies for this week have included squeezing my cat's fat and watching bad reality TV (see post below).

This is the sound of boredness.

Oh, like you didn't watch it. And if you didn't, you know you're mad you forgot to TiVo it.

Because she kicks ass, check out Thode's latest project -- producer on Brendan Benson's video "Cold Hands (Warm Heart)."

Woot woot!

The other night my cell phone rang a vaguely familiar ring. I hadn't heard that distinctive ring in quite some time, but realized it was Bob calling from his house. We haven't spoken in a while, and the last time we hung out was months ago. Work had really consumed him, and the last couple of times we hung out he was kinda acting like an asshole, so I haven't exactly been clammering to get a hold of the guy.

"What are you doing home? Shouldn't you still be at work?"
"I was ousted, man. Well, actually I was the one who said it would be better if we parted ways. But whatever. I couldn't be happier."
"REALLY?"
"Yeah - that place was sucking the soul out of me. If you gave me a choice between going back to that place to work, or going back to my ex-wife, I would choose my ex-wife. It was THAT. BAD."

If you knew all the ins-and-outs of Bob's breakup of his marriage, you would realize this is HUGE.

Bob and I talked a bit about what he's going to do next, which sounds a lot like taking a couple of weeks off to enjoy a few Sox games and some beer. He might already have some consulting work coming up, and I'm not worried he won't find something else. The guy just sounds a lot happier.

Yeah! Fun Bob is back!

Dear Trader Joe's,

The other night I made myself a salad for dinner and used your Trader Joe's Miso dressing, which has been in my fridge for a while. After consuming the salad (which was tasty), I then noticed the dressing had expired in 2003, which sent me into a slight panic. I just wanted you to know that not once did I get sick in the slightest. Fine product you've got there.

Thanks, Trader Joes!

:: thumbs up ::

Love, Megan

Fuck you guys. The show was great tonight.

Except the part where they wanted us to text message to end poverty. That's when Carla and I left to buy our overpriced $8 beer, congregated with others outside section 312 and all made fun of Bono.

Unite this.

One of my favorite comments from Carla was when Bono was talking about Martin Luther King Jr. and Carla looked around and said, "Funny, I don't think there's a black person here." And I said, "We're uniting in the fact that all of us are a 1/4 Irish here, Carla. We're all white and One."

You ALMOST had me, Bono.

In all honestly, they did play songs that I loved and (sheepish to admit) there was a point it brought me to tears - thinking when shit in my life was a lot more simple. I think I miss that the most.

Tonight I'm seeing U2 with Betty R.

I'll save comments and thoughts until tomorrow. I think it'll be the last time I see them, so I'm gonna try and live it up with the good thoughts I have left of them.

I do predict being rocked (read: guilted) into making a donation to Mozambique before the night is through. Mark my words.

Chaos at my Alma Mater.

As my dad emailed me today, "It's amazing what a few well-monied alumni could do. The mascot could be a brick."

Go Warriors! Err..Golden Eagles! Oh, wait..Go Gold!

Not to completely steal Freakgirl's style today, BUT..

You ungrateful fuck.

I don't really even care, but I just enjoy telling people they're ungrateful fucks whenever the opportunity arises.

So little ReRe and Kenny Chesney done up and got married. I didn't even know they were dating.

Good, it seems Jack White is now truly, officially available and can now be all mine.

So what if he's turned a little creepy looking in recent years, the boy is mine.

Mine. Mine...the boy is mine. Mine. Mine.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

This post today is brought to you by the Volvo dealership.

Perusing the entertainment news this morning, I found this gem:

"Tara Reid didn't have a ticket and was stopped by security, but after fans chanted, "Let Tara in," guards let her pass.

:: in my best old lady New York accent, which is well, bad ::

Oh, Tara. You know what your problem is? You're washed up. And you're trashy.

I didn't see it, but I heard Rosie O'Donnell was in a made for TV movie called "Riding the Bus with My Sister."



She played the part of the bus in the movie, right?

And for the record, no one could top Meredith Baxter Birney's performance in 1988 made for TV movie, "Winnie," so don't even waste your time tryin' O'Donnell.

Thumbs down.

The Advertising Slogan Generator (thanks to Sareet)

My favorites so far are:

"Dude, you're getting a Megan!"

"How do you eat YOUR Megan?" (no comments needed from the peanut gallery)

"Live in your Megan, Play in Ours."

and "You need a Megan."

Don't we all?

Memo from: Megs

To: God
CC: The Weather Channel; The State of Illinois

What up, G.

Yo, it's been a long time and I'm sorry for making fun of all the weird Jesus people who put up billboards along the highway with just your son's name in CAPITAL letters, but I'm pretty sure that sign you sent me in my grilled cheese sandwich was a sign to let me know you think they're a little socially retarded, too.

Anyway, the reason why I'm writing is today is May 2nd, and I walked out of the house today in sandals, like any normal person might during the months of May through September. It's 42 fucking degrees out, God. Can you turn up the heat just a little down here?

Your loving lamb,
Megan

Hm. Corn Pops must be reaching for that hard to reach target demographic of overweight nerdy men in their 40s...



So THIS is what Star Wars followers are surviving on for weeks at a time while waiting for the premiere to begin.