Jon Stewart said it best tonight: Don't forget Poland, people.

A conversation with my TiVo:

TiVo: "TiVo would like to change the channel at 9 pm in order to tape the TiVo suggested, "Miami Animal Police" on ANIMAL24, interrupting the Presidential Debate. Fuck George Bush, Megan. You already know this."

Me: "Yeah, but TiVo, it's the Presidential Debate. It's a big fucking deal. I've got my Lean Cuisine, my wine, I'm comfy, and I like watching W fumble over his words."

TiVo: "Yeah, but it's "Miami Animal Polllliccccee..." :: whine ::

Me: "TiVo. No."

TiVo: "Fine." :: bleep bloop ::

I blame Gelman.

So, Bob bought a grocery store. Because that's a totally normal impulse thing to purchase.

I know, at first I didn't get it either. I think the sentence, "What the hell do you know about running a grocery store?" came out of my mouth. He then said, "Oh, shit, I forgot to get my 4-year degree in grocery bagging - what are you talking about - it's business." Some things are better left to people who know what the hell they're doing, so I just left it at that.

I went to check it out yesterday, and it's really nice. It's kinda like a Whole Foods, but not a chain - just boutiquey (if a grocery store can be that) gourmet foods sort of place. I said, "This is a lot nicer than I thought it would be," to which he said, "You thought it was going to be ghetto, didn't you?"

Noooo...but yeah.

Maybe he'll give me a discount on pancetta. Brie wheels for everybody!

Do you know how hard it is to find stock photos of child actors you hate? It's hard. So, I'm providing more of an amuse bouche of child actors I think are really robots.

For example:

1) Hallie Eisenberg a.k.a The Curly Haired Girl from the Pepsi Ads.



She's got to be one of the most highly irritating child actresses of all time. I mean, I remember feeling physically angry when her Pepsi commercial came on. That sort of reaction cannot be normal. I'm just sorry I can't find a smaller picture of her. My eyes. MY EYES!


2) Jodie Sweetin a.k.a. Stephanie Tanner from Full House



The lisp, the fact that she was always getting up in Uncle Jesse's shit while he was just trying to jam with his band in the basement is reason enough to put her on this list. Even her signature is annoying.



You know her manager told her to add the smiley face, because everything child actors do is calculated. Just like the super robots that they are.

3) Raven Simone or Symone (she actually change the spelling of her last name?!) a.k.a. Olivia Kendall from The Cosby Show



First off, she ruined The Cosby Show. Things were cool until she joined the cast and sent the show spiraling into a tailspin. We won't take this imitation krab version of Rudy Huxtable. Nice try, Cosby.

There's many, many more but I just can't take spending 15 minutes finding photos of Mary Kate and Ashley when they both looked slightly like monkeys.

Ok, I promise you I will get to my list of child actors I can't stand soon. Yes, I realize there's "more important" things going on out there everyday, but don't you really want to know the EXACT reasons why Raven Symone is no Keshia Knight Pulliam? I thought so.

The real reason for this post is if you live in Cook County (basically everyone in Chicago and near suburbs), and don't know where the hell you're supposed to vote come Nov. 2nd, here is a link that you can type in your home address and *POOF* - you too can vote out George W. I'll have you know that I'm bringing you to an "Award Winning Election Website" - we don't serve you crap here at Write On, Megs.

Now, back to why the incredibly annoying girl with the curls in those Pepsi ads makes me want to vomit.

I started making a list today of child actors that I can't stand - Andrew Keaton, I'm looking at you - but then I got sidetracked with work (stupid, stupid work). The list will come. Oh yes, the list is almost complete.



Moo ha ha ha ha ha....

I decided to go to Target at lunch today to buy some gift wrap for (surprise!) yet another wedding. While there, I noticed the adult Halloween costumes section and decided to take a gander. I noticed (as it is every year) the women's selection went from kinda slutty, to sort of slutty, to get-your-slut-on. And then there was the token medieval costume-in-a-bag for the plus size ladies.

If I'm going to get my authentic KISS costume started, I've better start bedazzleing and fast. Of course, I say this every year, and last year I went as one of the Iron Chefs (Chef Morimoto, incase you were wondering). So, it's time to start thinking: What are YOU going to be for Halloween? Inspire me.

Edit to Add: Look, Marjon, I could go as a Dutch girl. The fake wooden shoes are awesome.

Ladies and gentlemen, it has only taken me exactly 9 months and 1 day to install, but I now have TiVo.

:: takes a bow ::

And just in time for it to be technologically uncool and out of date.

Depending how long you've been reading this, some of you may recall the time I went on the Atkins diet for those very. long. 2 weeks (if I think about it hard enough I can still taste eggs - OH GOD, THE EGGS) and during those two weeks I was very limited on what I could and could not eat. Come to think of it, I really didn't know what I could eat, so I ate the same thing, all the time. For a week straight at lunch I would go out for Chinese and order Beef and Broccoli, better known as #16 at Taste of Hong Kong (you know, because I have such troubles pronouncing "broccoli" off of this menu that they number it for me).

Well, while I did lose some weight, I couldn't stand the thought of eating another piece of beef or plain chicken, so I wised up and told Old Dead Man Atkins to shove it. May he RIP.

Now, there's a new obsession in town, folks. And it's called Arby's Chicken Salad Sandwich. And the thing is, it's really not even all that good, but I can't stop myself from ordering it. I'm pretty sure "crack" is in the list of ingredients. Crack in sandwiches can make people skinny, right?

I thought so.

You know how "dubs" (ok - I sound lame saying that) - 'rims' for you non-MTV "Cribs" viewers, that spin are real popular on luxury SUVs these days? On my way home from work, I saw a 1989 Ford Minivan with a set of those.

...

There's a point to the madness, people. By that point, you are no longer big pimpin'.

You know that TV show coming out called "Lost" - the one where the back half of the airplane fucking falls off and people are sucked out of the airplane? Man - I'm so lucky that I had that image going through my head almost the entire way home from from Vegas. How long is that flight, you ask? Oh, only 4 hours.



I hate turbulence.

Bob ended a phone call with me yesterday by saying, "Ok, I gotta go and take a leak."

Oh, Bob. How you woo me.

Even though I'm Catholic, I've decided I want a Jewish wedding.

It was a gorgeous ceremony - the rabbi did a beautiful job explaining the traditions to the Catholics in the house (Can I get a JE-SUS?! Hey HEY Hey!), and the rabbi even cried a few times during the ceremony. I danced to "Hava Nagila" for the first time - the closest I've gotten to that previously was having that song as my cell ringtone.

I sat with some guy friends from Marquette, and in typical guy fashion, they asked me if I wanted in on a bet to guess how long the ceremony would last. Time started as the first bridesmaid crossed the back row of chairs and time ended when the bride and groom crossed the backrow of chairs on the way out. I bet 41 minutes, since it was a Jewish/Catholic ceremony I knew there was going to be a lot of explaining going on to us gentiles, but actual time was 37:08. If the rabbi just cried a little more, I could've won. Dammit.

Mazel Tov!

I went to the Oprah Winfrey Show and all I got was a lousy packet of Kleenex and the crappy topic, "Atrocities to Children."

Son of a bitch.

Speaking of weddings, tomorrow morning I'm heading up to Maple City, MI (I had no idea where that even was until I just MapQuested [yes, that can be a verb] it) for my old college roommate, Katie's, wedding. And it appears it's a 6-hour drive.

Good God.

Well, I hear it's a beautiful area, so tonight will be spent downloading itunes all night in preparation for such a drive. Any suggestions? I herrr rap is always good to listen to while driving through the beautiful wine country of Michigan.

:: shakes ass ::

A big congratulations is in order to Maggie (the designer of this site) and her fiance, Remy, as they are getting married! The fine province of Ontario will be celebrating tonight. I plan to shake it tonight in your honor. Or honour, as you crazy Canadians spell it. Yay!

Back from Vegas. Mmmmm....Vegas.


No weddings. Oh, and you can't bring your Pepsi in here either, asshole.


We went to Ghostbar on Sat. night. It sits on top of the 55th floor at the Palms, and this was our view. Luke Wilson and Mario Lopez (better known as AC Slater from "Saved by the Bell" - I was more of a Zach Morris kind of girl) were there the same night. At least my favorite Wilson was there.


The most awesome slot machine.


Laura, her sister, Linda and I at Tabu. Clearly I'm annoyed at the guy who didn't know how to take a photo, but then we found out he was from Wisconsin and (of course) became best friends. You just can't hate someone from Wisconsin. I may have had a couple of gin and tonics in this photo. I may have.


On Tuesday, we took a class at Creative Cooking School. Laura knows the brother-in-law of the owner, so we took the class for free and had a great time. I heart the chefs.

There's more photos from the trip, but they've either been deleted or just aren't very lady-like.

I heart you, Vegas.

I'm leaving for Vegas today and will be there until Wednesday. Good thing I checked my itinery, because my flight leaves 2 hours before I thought. If I don't return, rest assured I'm making it as a go-go dancer somewhere, fulfilling a lifelong dream....to be just like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls - her greatest role to date. :: wipes tear away :: I'm gonna make it. I'M GONNA MAKE IT! :: runs toward sunset, jumps dramatically in the air, caught in freeze-frame, screen fades to black ::

Thanks for all your suggestions of places to go. If I have a fabulous time, I thank you all. If I have a terrible time, may God have mercy on your filthy souls.

xoxo,
Megan

Top 10 Most Embarrassing CD purchases of all time*
by Megan S.

10. Jesus Jones - Doubt
I was in 8th grade and not only bought this on tape, but later bought it again on CD. Ugh.

9. The Soup Dragons - Hotwire
They opened for INXS when I was 13, and what can I say? I loved them.

8. Rusted Root - When I Woke
I dunno. I think I was going through some weird phase where I may have thought hemp made cool necklaces or something.

7. Phish - Billy Breathes
See above. Ugh.

6. Silverchair - Frogstomp
Maybe I had a thing for anorexic male rockers? I dunno.

5. Chumbawumba - Tubthumping
Apparently I did take a whiskey drink...and a vodka drink....and a lager drink....and a cider drink to think this cd was good.

4. C&C Music Factory - I don't even know what the fuck the name of that cd was called
I may have tried to do the Roger Rabbit to this at one time. I may have.

3. Paula Abdul - Spellbound
Um, this is clearly the album no one else but I bought. I stuck with you, Paula, I stuck with you.

2. The Lion King Soundtrack
Fuckin' A. It just keeps getting worse. Absolutely no one could possibly think I have one ounce of coolness in my body at this point...but it just keeps getting worse....

1. Elton John - Candle in the Wind - A tribute to Princess Diana
Um, yes, I did own this....even more embarrassing, I may have listened to it in mourning for my dying cat. Holy Christ, Megan. You can laugh. I am. You took advantage of me in a vulnerable state, Mr. Elton John. I hope you can live with yourself.

*English-speaking albums only. I didn't count any Chilean flute or Norweigan Rock crap I own - yes, it gets THAT bad.

Be sure to check out Brooks, chele, and iseemonsters lists. Sorry I'm so late to the party on this one, guys. I have no excuse. Other than working 10 hour days. Pity me. ;)

I'm heading for Vegas in two days.

:: dusts off feather headpiece; practices shimmys ::

We don't have much planned besides going to a few clubs, taking a 3-hour cooking class (which anyone that knows me knows I'm extremely excited about - so lay off), maybe going to this Italian restaurant off the strip called Battista's Hole in the Wall (Bob recommended it - it's also the location of where he had his wedding reception during his 4-month (technically 1 year) marriage - he also recommended this punk rock club called the Double Down, which judging by their jukebox doesn't look like too bad of a place.

What else are my friends and I missing? We're there for 5 days.

When Fat Joe starts appearing in your dreams, it's time to stop watching so much MTV.

A new authorized biography on Johnny Cash is coming out, as well as movie on his life (not sure how I feel about Reese Witherspoon playing June Carter, but that remains to be seen). This excerpt really got to me.

"At times the story is sad, even difficult to read. While June Carter was in a coma on life support after complications from heart surgery, Cash visted her bedside in his wheelchair every 30 minutes or so, talking to her, singing her songs and reading her Psalms."

"He begged her not to leave him," Turner wrote.



When doctors told the family there was no brain activity, that she was in an irreversable vegetive state, all eyes turned to Cash. He asked everyone in the family to join hands and pray.

"If anyone has anything to say to June," he said, "you should say it now."

Then he went to the intensive care unit and gave permission to end life support.

After her death, he was lonely and his frail condition worsened. Although he was going blind, he had his daughter Cindy Panetta bring him more photographs of June. He even had an artist paint her face on the elevator doors at his office.

"He missed her so bad," Panetta told Turner. "He sobbed for her daily. He would pick up the phone and talk to her as if she was on the other end."

The article went on about how he threw himself into his work and how he was excited for his seven nominations his video for the song "Hurt" received at the MTV music awards, held a couple of weeks before his death.

"He never stopped, he never really gave up," his son said. "It wasn't his spirit that gave up, it was his body. God probably shook his head and said, 'Oh my goodness' many times in dealing with my father. But what God saw in my father was that he was a rock, a foundation in a lot of ways - someone people could releate to who could shine strong and was not afraid to reveal himself. I think he was a great role model to many people that way. He fell, but always got back up."

First off, Freakgirl and the Geekboy got married today! Yaya!

Second off, I went to a wedding today, for my parents' neighbor's daughter, who I've known since I was nine. Her younger brother hit on me in front of my parents, which is always a good time for all parties (note: sarcasm), especially since we always thought he was a little slow as a child. I remember as a little kid, he once stored an entire year's worth of his sister's Cosmopolitan Magazines in my swingset clubhouse. Tonight, he asked me how/why I'm still single (ugh), and on top of that, the first thing the bride's mother pointed out were the two (TWO!) single guys when I walked in. THANK YOU, MA'AM.

Seriously, WHY do I go to weddings? A pap smear is less uncomfortable, I swear to God.

Heading to Wisconsin for the weekend, kids.

Moo.