My mom just called me at work and said, "Channel 2 news has a satellite truck in our driveway and are doing a live broadcast out of our backyard at 6 PM."

Um...what?

The PGA Championships are being held this summer four miles from my parents' home, and they're doing a news story on homes that are updating their look for the golf tournament. My parents are having friends stay in their house the week of the tournament, but they had this renovation update in the works for months now, and it has nothing to do with the tournament. They just want it done by the time their guests arrive for the tournament. My advice for her TV debut was to fix her hair, put on some lipstick, and try to get rid of her Wisconsin accent (nice, Megs).

I'm willing to bet our neighbors now think that we buried someone in our backyard, due to the construction going on outside. Lord.

You know you're hard up for news in Green Bay when you're broadcasting live from my parents' backyard, that's all I've got to say.

For those of you who watched, I'm sure you will agree that Amish in the City is the best new programming that has happened all summer. One of the Amish dudes, Randy, is the new Amish sex-symbol, no matter how high pitched of a voice he has.

Flex Alexander plays the King of Pop in the upcoming Vh1 original movie, "Man in the Mirror." I'm sure there's some joke in there somewhere about a dude named Flex playing an alleged child molester. I can't help but freak out a little when I see this ad on Vh1. And I know I shouldn't be so scared, seeing as they made "Michael" look like a pretty white lion that Siegfred & Roy would use in their Vegas act. Mmmmm....powdery.

Me likey.
...
Proving yet again that I really need to get a grip on the amount of Vh1 programming I watch.

Undeniably, throughout the past century there have amazing advances in modern science. Still, there are few great mysteries of the world that continue to loom over us. Stonehenge, the Great Pyramid of Giza, and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon are some fine examples. Ranking right up there in the scale of "Hm. I wonder how that happened," is the fact that a mysterious purple 36A (ha!) Felina Lingerie bra and matching size Small (ha!) underware mysteriously appeared in my mailbox yesterday. Don't know why, no letter of explanation, they just appeared (tags still on and everything). The only explanation I can think of is that I entered some Lucky Magazine contest a while back and actually won this pair of ill-fitting undergarments. So, if anyone actually is a 36A/S, and would like a free matching set, I will hook you up. Or these are going to some small chested female at Goodwill.

Not-so-cool makeup warning:

Neutrogena's Skin Soothing Eye tints don't provide so much of a "lasting cooling sensation" as they feel like your eyes are slightly on fire. Party.

Will the person who actually has the Blockbuster Freedom Pass and has kept "Runaway Jury" for over a month and has not taken advantage of renting any other movie, wasting approx. $25-$50 on said "freedom pass" please step forward?

:: steps forward ::

I really need to re-evaluate my priorities. That has got to go.

This weekend I headed up to Wisconsin to attend a friend's wedding, and am staying a couple extra days to visit family.  While at my friend Jayme's house, her mom asked me if I had any intention of attending mass on Sunday.  I thought it was a weird question to ask me out of the blue, so when I told her, "No, not really," she informed me it wasn't any regular ole long-winded mass, but instead a polka mass.  All of a sudden Jesus had become much more appealing in a novelty image-of-Jesus-on-an-air-freshner sort of way.  I imagined the "Beer Barrel Polka" being cranked out during communion.  And I would've gone, but it's still church, and we still thought of every excuse to prevent us from partyin' it up Jesus-style.   You just can't get that quality of religious marketing just anywhere...
 
I love you, Wisconsin. 
 

Ad that's currently driving me nuts:

The GM "Summerdrive" ad that's using The Dandy Warhols' song "Bohemian Like You." In the ad they use the lyric, "You got a great car..." and then cut to a different part of the song. For any person who actually KNOWS that song knows the line right after "You got a great car" is "...Yeah, what's wrong with it today?" Which would actually be more fitting for a GM product.

Just wondering what idiot at GM approved that song. Bravo to the copywriter/art director/producer who knew it and probably pushed to use the song. Fuck GM.

It's come to a point today at work where I hate all people, places and things. So keep your goddamn nouns away from me.

So, I Love The 90s. I mean, I think we all knew it was going to suck compared to its I Love the 80s siblings, (Un and Deux) but were we as a country prepared for the utter disaster it actually was? Not only was the fucking dancing baby everywhere, but they spent (what seemed like) 10 minutes discussing slap bracelets behind some shitty graphics.

Speaking of which, I realized last night I have one in my purse right now. If Monty Hall were to make me a deal and said, "I'll give you $100 right now if you can give me 5 paperclips and a slap bracelet right now," I could do it. No doubt while wearing a Raggedy Ann outfit.

This afternoon, I'm sitting in my room, listening to music I recently downloaded, when I smelled smoke. I looked at Mr. Tinkleton, as if he had something to do with it.

:: sigh :: "Dude, is your cat food burning AGAIN?"

Like an idiot, I chose to ignore it for a second, thinking a neighbor had burnt something and it would eventually go away. Well, it was getting worse, so I decided to finally get my ass off my bed and check it out. When I got to the kitchen, I had totally forgotten that I had started to hard boil eggs to make egg salad later on. A dozen eggs were burnt, along with the entire interior of the pot. WHO DOES THAT?!

Hey, remember when I wanted to go to culinary school?

So, um, I went on a pretty terrible blind date last night. He seemed totally normal at first glance. Below, I've made a convenient list of reasons why he sucked.

What was wrong with him:

1) His name was Terrence.
2) I found out within the first 30 seconds that he's a gamer*.
* Definition of gamer: Someone who is WAY too old still playing with 12-sided di. Probably hasn't gotten laid in...well, possibly ever.
3) He proceeded to complain about getting kicked off his gaming internet site for the next 20 minutes.
4) When I made lighthearted digs on the movie Star Trek, he literally got up from the table and said, "I'm going to let that comment sit for a little bit while I excuse myself." I had actually offended him.
5) When I offered to go dutch on the bill and just call it a night, he said, "No worries, I'll pay...(pause)...unless you decide you don't want to go out with me again." Classy, ass.
6) Upon leaving the restaurant, he asked if I wanted to "come over." When I said, "Um, no, I just met you. I'm sorry but that's not happening..." an awkward 5 minute walk to the car ensued.
7) After all of that, he still asked me out today. That means I get to be the asshole who says, "No fucking way."

:: head explodes ::

Sven recently asked a few of us to put together our Top 25 Songs of All. Time. Not just of the 80s, not your favorite 25 Beatles tunes, but of ALL. TIME :: insert echo effect here :: (time time time)

I must admit, I barely had time to really sit and think this all the way thorugh, so I'm going to preface this that it is a fluid list, constantly changing. I give myself a C+ for effort.

Shut up already, Megan, and give us your list.

My Top 25 Songs of All Time:

25. Hello There - Cheap Trick - "Live at Budokan"
The crowd of Japanese girls screaming; the start of a live show; the fact that it reminds me of my pals in Detroit; the utter perfectness of this song kick-starting a mix CD...all added up to why this song is on my list

24. Start the Party - The Dirtbombs
All party, no filler. Just a fucking kick ass song. The last time I saw them play in Chicago, they started the show with this song, and everyone's jaw literally dropped. This would rank higher in my list, but since it's pretty new, I was reluctant to place it any higher than this.

23. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Shake yo ass. I can see myself still liking this song years from now, so it's on my list.

22. Bitches Ain't Shit - Dr. Dre
The genius of Dr. Dre; the utter shock and disbelief this never made it to commercial radio (note: sarcasm)

21. I Get Wet - Andrew W.K.
When life throws you a bone, Andrew W.K. fetches it.

20. Barracuda - Heart
The bass in this song just gets me going. Never try to karaoke this song. Ever.

19. Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin
Let's just say it was college and no one got hurt, mom.

18. Material Girl - Madonna
I don't care what anyone says, I think every girl my age wanted to be her in 1985. I loved this video when I was 8. Hell, I still love that video.

17. Need You Tonight, directly followed by Mediate - INXS
The first concert I went to that I really wanted to go to (not like Cher, who my parents once forced me to see with them) I think this was the first band I SERIOUSLY. CRUSHED. ON. In 4th grade, I had an INXS pin on my jean jacket.

16. I Will Follow - U2
Right next to my INXS pin was my U2 pin on that jean jacket. U2 was my favorite band for many, many years, and while I have a ton of songs I still love from them, I could only pick one. I heard this in a bar recently and realized it's still great.

15. In My Life- The Beatles
Mushy, but good.

14. Paint It Black- The Rolling Stones
This has always been my favorite Stones tune.

13. Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash
Johnny Cash as a young man? mmmmmm....

12. Let's Go All The Way - The Wondergirls
This was the first song I ever truly loved. It was the summer of 4th grade and I had discovered music. And this is what the 80s could give me.

11. I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend - The Ramones
:: blushes ::....Ok.

10. Heart of Glass - Blondie
I would turn lesbian for Deborah Harry. I would.

9. I Believe in You - The Mr. T Experience
Just a really good song - used to be on constant repeat in Christine for a while. Reminds me of a person who was/is very important to me

8. Rock Music - The Pixies
If I was ever in a band, I would've wished we could've come up with something this good. Frank Black screaming makes me hot.

7. Lucky Man - The Verve
Reminds me of a semester abroad in England. How absolutely white college girl of me. Shut up, I can't help it, I still love this song.

6. Supernova - Liz Phair
It's a song about your ultimate, best, most shiny love. Plus any song that says "...and you fuck like a volcano" is red hot.

5. My Name is Jonas - Weezer
Reminds me when I was in college, road trips to Toronto, and when I had no bills or a job to worry about.

4. Ode To A Black Man - The Dirtbombs
Yes, I realize this is a cover, but it's a fucking good cover, so leave it alone. The only band to make two appearances on the list.

3. Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley
This song makes me cry almost every time I hear it.

2. Love Song - The Cure

and Megan's #1 song of all time is...

1. For the record, this has been a tough decision, since I seriously can not come up with just one. I almost am in protest having to do it, but if I HAD to pick one right now, I guess it would be...

Lovesick - The White Stripes
Good Lord, I have no idea which one to pick. I have never been so indecisive in my life.

And there you go.

Well, guess who gets to work again through this weekend? I guess I'm "lucky" in the fact that I don't have to travel anywhere, since my events are in the city. Don't you just WISH you were me?