Dear Beastie Boys,

By now, we are quite aware that you are from New York City. And that you love it. So much so that I'm willing to bet if you could have sex with NYC, you would. Enough already. We get it.

Boy Oh Boy! It's a boy!

Name: Mr. Walter Tinkleton
Nicknames: Fattie, Wally
DOB: 4/1/04
Date of Adoption: 6/19/04
Hobbies: Looking cute, mewing, wishing for another owner since his works all the time, being fat

Hi!. (I think I blinded the poor thing up to 3 days after taking this).

I love him, the little pookie.

Andrew WK makes everything better.

I mean, I really didn't realize how much he'd pull through for me on the 30-mile dreaded drive to work this morning, but "I Get Wet" and "Party Til You Puke" can make any morning just a little bit brighter. Now I'm at work and ready to throw some sweet high kicks in the air while waiting for legal changes on the creative.

Yeah.

For those of you that don't watch television because you think it melts your brain and only listen to NPR (and don't think I don't know you think you're better than me because I have a weakness for "The Simple Life 2," and Vh1 programming, asshole) then I have some good news for you. First Comedy Central, and now Mortified is hitting "This American Life" this weekend on NPR. Click here for stations & times.

You may continue being your pretentious self now.

My life suuuuuuuuckkkkks

Sing with me! In a round. You on the left, you start first, then you guys on the right go.

Kill Kill Kill.

A teeny part of me secretly likes coming back to Detroit. And I never really realize it until I'm actually here, driving around in my Chevy Malibu Barbie rental car. Now, I know you didn't order the big bowl of crazy this morning, but the music sounds just a little bit better here. Not really sure what's in the air (besides exhaust, asbestos, and a green cloud nobody's exactly sure what it is) but in that aspect, Detroit is better than any other place I know. Detroit, you're like the bastard child I denied for so long because your daddy was a no-good-cheat-couldn't-keep-a-job-to-save-his-life-taking-me-out-to-Burger-King-on-a-date. But deep down, I still love you.

I honestly would've thought more of these photos would've been taken in Detroit. Not Holland. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough.

I got an email from Paul :: swoons :: yesterday that said Smokey The Bear has apparently taken the same career path of David Hasslehoff, and has gone hip hop.

Of course I had to track this PSA down for myself and share this gem with you, dear reader. It kills me that the PSA is actually titled, "Smokey 'N Da Boyz." (to see the PSA, click to the "Smokey Kids" section and click on the "See the Ad" in the upper right hand corner).

Paul is now convinced the Apocalypse is coming and says he needs to get a hair cut before he meets God.

:: swoons ::

I wonder how long it would take to get fired if I like, kicked someone or pushed someone down the stairs today. 1/2 hour? Give or take?

My "extended stay" hotel room is one step up from a sterile hospital room. The room only has fluorescent lighting, if that tells you anything. They're trying to get me somewhere better, but our office is REALLY close to the Palace of Auburn Hills, where the NBA Finals are currently going on (I woke up at 3:13 this morning to someone still "woo-ing," so either the Pistons won or someone got their paws on my hot sex bath balls) so it's really tough to get a hotel room around here.

The good news is, I've had a chance to see a few of my good pals who still live here and felt no guilt charging our good times to my American Express Corporate card. Hung out with my pal, Paul, Shannon, and John so far. Could've seen Franz Ferdinand last night for free, but I was too tired and lazy to make the drive downtown, and too busy hanging out with Paul to really wanna go. Maybe more on that later...

Just got to work, let the fun begin.

I wrote this last night while sitting in the airport. My flight was nearly 2 1/2 hours delayed...so what to do? Start drinking.

I'm in O'Hare and on my 3rd beer. My flight's delayed, due to poor weather. I could've almost driven to Detroit by now, but am still thankful I'm flying there so at least I can get somewhat inebriated and have United Airlines cart my ass to Detroit.

A quite embarrassing thing happened to me while trying to get my e-ticket. I had the unfortunate luck of having my suitcase was THROUGHLY searched. I never knew this about United (I'm a Northwest girl) but they do security scan right there, exposed, in front of everyone. The security guard pulled several personal items out, including some bubble bath circular balls (of sorts) that you drop into the tub that Marjon had given me as a gift from the store, Lush, in Canada. Well, the bubble bath was labled, "HOT SEX" and the security guard took it out and stared at it for a second, and kinda jerked back as if he was shocked to discover this.

I immediately get extremely flushed, and start fanning myself with whatever piece of paper I have in my hand. "It's just bath bubbles!" I say over and over (Thank God I didn't pack any sex toys of any kind). Watching him claw through underware and clothing, I just say, "This is extremely mortifiying," to which he responds, "Ack, it shouldn't be." Dude. My underware is about 2 inches from your hand. How does this NOT fit in the definition of embarrassing?

Ta ta for now. Time to start expensing those hookers to the corporate card...

Well, Lady Unluck has hit me again. It was my turn, I guess.

Had what I thought was only 1 flat tire this morning. I had to get Christine towed, and ended up having to get my two front tires replaced---that's $400 I SOOOOOO wanted to spend on new tires.

Then I get to work, and found out my counterpart in our Detroit office quit, so I have to fly there tonight (!) and stay there for a week, learning her position, while doing my own, and cramming to get everything done for the launch of our events on June 25th.

You may not hear much from me for a while... In the meantime, I have to cancel going to one of my very good friend's bridal showers this weekend, and I'm not sure what Marjon's going to do just yet. I welcomed her to stay, but still feel guilty that I have to up and leave her like this. Ugh.

Tell me some good news.

Get your "I beat up Jason" Von Bondie infant creeper here! Thanks to Freakgirl.

I would like all of you to know that I currently have the song, "Do Your Boobs Hang Low" going through my head. Over and over.

Good night.

Um, I know J. Lo has been makin' some waves in the news lately, but I didn't want David Hasselhoff to go completely unnoticed. Clearly his arrest is just a publicity ploy to buy into the "Hassle the Hoff" bad boy image with his upcoming rap album produced with Ice T.

I'll be following this development further, don't you worry.

This weekend, I was sitting with Marjon watching the top 100 Metal Moments on Vh1 (what?) when a Toyota ad comes on and they say at the end that they're going to (my hometown) of Sheboygan.

Sheboygan, you've really sold out this time, man. Sigh.

Cowboy. Not sure if everyone will see the humor in it, but it cracked me up. Check out their other work, if you have the chance.

Almost 3,000 miles and about a gazillion states later, Marjon is back in town before she heads home to Holland. I've been trying to show her the Chicago she missed the first time. Friday night, we met up with Bob at Lakeview Lounge to see Nightwatch . I'm pretty sure by the end of the night (or after the 7th can of beer) Marjon realized the utter awesomeness that 3 Vietnam Vets can be when you give them a guitar, a bass, a mohawk, and drums. I heart you, Nightwatch.

Yesterday we shopped, did the Chicago Untouchables Mafia Tour, followed by an Italian dinner at Pompei (can I theme a day excursion or what?). Today it's: Frank Lloyd Wright's home and studio (I have yet to do that tour, and he lived practically down the street), Al Capone & "Family's" grave site, a little grocery shopping, a trip to Avis (to clear up some unfortunate rental car mishaps) and the season finale of The Sopranos.

Welcome back, Marjon!

Who needs porn when you have ESPN2's Scripps National Spelling Bee winner spelling the word "autochthonous" and breathing heavily after every letter? I needed a cigarette after watching that.

And I need to give a shout out to 2nd place winner, Akshay Buddiga, the 13-year-old who had fainted on stage, but came to, stood up and spelled the word "alopecoid" perfectly. You, little man, are what champions are made of.

Home school kids are #1.

Um, why didn't any of you tell me my fly's been open this entire time? I just met one of our clients and everything. WITH MY FLY OPEN.

Went to the grocery store last night and bought two cans of Raid. Walked in the door actually armed and holding one in position, ready to attack if need be, but luckily, there was no other life found. I think it was just a fluke the other night. Phew.

Been staying late at work to get ready for a client meeting, which is today. Have been having troubles sleeping lately because of it, so wish us luck!

The last thing you want to see when you come home from a long day at work is a helluva icky bug in your apartment. This is not a regular thing for me, so when it happens, I scream absolute bloody murder for about 30 sec. while the bug also runs around thinking, "Ahhhh!! I see a human! Bleugh!!" I'm sure that action sequence will be on the next episode of Nature on PBS.

Eventually, I realize how ridiculous I'm being so try to calm myself down. Then I wonder why no neighbors came to check on me to make sure I wasn't being murdered. The walls are thin, and I know you heard me, you bastards. The good news is, I killed it and I'm still alive. And the miracle of life continues...

Had a very nice birthday. Bob called me last week and asked what I was doing on my birthday. I told him, "Nothing, no one's around, woe is me, blah blah blah" and he offered to take me out for dinner and drinks. My initial reaction was, "Really?!," seeing as only a month earlier, I had ripped his heart out, squirted some lemon juice over it, grinded some salt onto it, set it on fire and threw it on the ground (ha ha..riiiight) so I was surprised he was willing to take my ass out. He just said, "You act like it's some chore." Aw.

He really went out of his way to make the entire day great yesterday (I'll spare the details). This doesn't change the way things currently are with us, but it is nice to have someone who cares, makes ya laugh, and you can count on.