I haven't been around because some asshole gave me a fever. Probably from going to mass. Just another reason why I don't go... I still feel like shit, and it's New Years Eve. Should I suck it up and just get doped up on cough syrup or stay home? I dunno. Bob wants to come over even though I'm sick. I must say the guy's sort of brave/stupid to be near the likes of me right now. Ugh. Anyone know what to do for a chest cold? I've never had one of these.

Broadband comes in...next Friday? Crap. I have to reschedule that, since some of us actually have to work. I hate Comcast. I will install the TiVo and my ibook all in 1 day. I bought my ibook on Sunday, and I must say, Apple has already saved the day. Not only from saving me from eternal boredom while sick, but also because when I called the store prior to trekking there, I was told I'd receive a free printer. When I got there (that same day) I was told that promotion ended the day before. I didn't make a big deal about it, just that's kinda disappointing, and Matt the Apple Supastar gave me the printer for free anyway. Hooray!

Ok, I'm off to Walgreens to buy out their cold remedy supplies. Happy New Year, y'all.

You know it's a bad day when...

I often joke that drunk driving is considered a 'sport' in my hometown, but this guy just took it to a whole new level...

Ladies and Gentleman,

Many of you may be very proud of me. Why? Because I'm finally getting one of these for home. I've done the research, and it just makes sense.

This might only be funny to recovering Catholics (and horrifying to practicing Catholics), but at Christmas Eve mass last night, I went up for communion and the person giving the host (that round piece of bread for those who don't know) says, "The Body of Christ" and you're supposed to say "Amen." Well, I obviously haven't been to mass in quite sometime, because I responded, "Thank you." Jesus Christ, Megan.

I am now home in Sheboygan, Wisc., also known as Sheboogie and SheVegas to the yocal locals. As I drove through Milwaukee, I flipped off my CD player for a second to see what was on the radio, and to my horror caught Jimmy Buffett's, "Mele Kalikimaka" (which means Merry Christmas in Hawaiian). It took all my power from not veering off the side of the road and driving head on into a concrete median. They should warn people about that horrible side effect Jimmy Buffett has on some people. Gah.

Next Monday, I am going to this. My only hope is that they sell giant, foam ping pong paddles.

Go, go, go, go, go, Jesus, it's your birphday. We're gonna party like it's your birphday...

So, I just got off the phone with my mom, asking her what the hell to get my dad and my 88-year-old grandma for Christmas. She had no idea, but in the meantime told me that she donated some money to Oprah's Africa Fund and started crying. And I started laughing at her. Not because she's nice and donated money, just because Oprah totally has corrupted my mother into doing insane things. And I just wanna know, who bought my mom the hormone pizza?

Bob came over last night to take me out to dinner. He came to the door with gifts, and I felt like an asshole, because I didn't get him anything. I told him, "I didn't get you anything because we've only been dating a month and I didn't want to freak you out, and now I feel awful." So, I told him that I'd make him dinner sometime soon. There's this burger recipe in Bon Appetit this month that takes 4-hours to make, so I told him I'd do that for him. He just said, "What kind of burger takes 4 hours to make?" And I just said, "Hopefully a really fucking good one, or I'm cancelling my subscription."

Merry Christmas, everyone.

My best friend, Liz, is home! Ugh, I can not wait to see the girl. She has been traveling for 342 days around Southeast Asia, India, Nepal and Australia with her boyfriend, Jon, and I just called her up at her parents' house in Sheboygan and she fucking answered. She fucking answered! So great to talk to her. For the record, I did not do a 'girl move' and scream, but I was on the inside. God damn, did I miss her.

I am going to cry because I am so frustrated with my HMO. Fuckers.

This weekend went well---my friends Erin, Chris, Bob and I went out to eat at this restaurant called Glory in Bucktown before heading to the Christmas party at my friend, Katie's apartment.

Ben from that crap (yet brilliant) WB show, "High School Reunion" was there with my friend, Dasha. Chris told us when he first met Ben he introduced himself, "Hey, I'm Chris," and Ben didn't say anything back...as if this show was so wildly popular that he needed no introduction. When Bob heard that, he wanted to knock Ben down a few notches by saying, "....I know you from somewhere....don't tell me....weren't you on that show, "Boy Meets Boy?" I *wish* he had done it...

I haven't talked about the show, "Mortified," for quite a while now, and mainly that's because they've been on winter hiatus (the next show in LA is in January, and I'm planning a trip out there to see it), but also because I found out that VH1 and MTV are in talks with the producer/director (this guy Dave) to create a tv show around it. Who knows...

In the meantime, incase you're wondering what the hell this show is all about here is where you can download a few clips. Enjoy.

Last night, Bob and I went out to eat at Sopranos. After talking for a while, I said, "I need to tell ya that I didn't mean to make you feel like you HAD to go to this Christmas party on Friday..." He looked at me like I was from Mars and said, "Oh...well, I was planning on going with you...do you not want me to come?" So, he's coming. Yay! I will now turn the drama off.

Ok, so I picked out a brand new Tivo. Tom is now jokingly calling himself, "Daddy" (as in Suga Daddy) and it's creepin' me out. ;) I can't wait to play with it....to hear the "bleep bloop" when I pause something...to be able to record 2 shows at once...I petted it in the checkout line and called it "beautiful."

I am a nerd.

Ok, now that I've asked Bob to this stupid holiday party, I don't think he really wants to go. And now I want him to want to go, cause I put my ass on the line and asked. Argh. I hate being a girl.

A new girl started at work and I took her out to lunch today. She just turned 27, and we're pretty much on the same wavelength when it comes to dating...it changes by the minute how we feel about someone. One minute it's so "Wooooo!," and the next minute, it's "I can't breathe, I just need a sec." And now Bob doesn't want to even go to this stupid thing I don't even really want to go to anymore. Seriously, girls are weird.

You know you've made it when you've graced Page Six. Heh.

So...my friend, Katie is having a holiday party this weekend and my friends want me to invite Bob so they can meet him. I am so fucking bad at the friends-introducing-friends sort of thing. I never date a guy long enough to really have to do it. Sad, but true. Ugh. I don't want to do it. It makes things "official" and I am not ready for that, I don't think. Now I'm freaking. What the fuck is wrong with me?

This made my day.

I wish I could say something insanely dramatic happened at the party--that I threw a drink in Bryan's face, turned on my heel, and while I walked away that everyone clapped, but nothing like that happened. I didn't even see the guy. Which was good, so I could go about my business and write "Tom is gay" in the imported sand with my co-hort, Jason. We got a few good staged pictures of Tom peeing near the fake palm tree, and face down in the sand with a few empty beer cans scattered around. All in all, a decent shin dig.

It was pretty cold out that night, and my back window was all frosted up. While I pulled out of my parking spot, I backed right into a van. And then, when I went out to inspect the damage, I slipped on some ice and sprained the hell out of my ankle. I pretty much have to get a whole new bumper, and my ankle is now swollen to almost twice the size, but that didn't stop me from limping downtown to meet Bob and some of his friends at The Lincoln Tap Room. Amazingly, I wasn't (and still am not) stressed out about it. The van was fine, just Christine was hurt. These things happen, it sucks, but you go about your business. It happens to everyone at least once, and seeing as I have NEVER had any car damage due to an accident, I guess it was just my time. Ah, well. Bob got me some ice from behind the bar, and we all sat and talked while I iced down my ankle. Sexy, I'm sure.

As a special announcement, I'd just like to say that Freakgirl just got engaged this weekend. I'm so damn happy for the girl. Show her some love.

I've been outbid on my Hello Kitty Rice Cooker. I just can't justify paying $80 on a rice cooker. Hello Kitty or not.

...

Unless it made REALLY good rice. I bet it makes good rice, right?

I'm probably gonna catch some heat for this, but....I like the new Strokes album. This means that I've liked them through the storm of kids from Iowa with their mesh trucker hats that say "Mustache Rides 25 cents" who have since left them after the shininess wore off so...my love for them is real. One fond memory I have of my friend Kristin, (the friend who dumped me) is at one of their shows in Detroit. We're standing close to the stage, and Julian starts singing this song on the new album called "Meet me in the Bathroom." The main chorus of the song is,

"Meet me in the bathroom"
That's what she said
I don't mind...it's true.

The whole time Julian's singing it, it appears he's staring at us. So, we (of course) loooooved amusing ourselves with the thought that he actually wanted to meet us in the bathroom. We kept asking each other, "When does he want to meet us? After the show? After this song?" I smile everytime I listen to it.

Writing about that Hello Kitty Rice Cooker made me realize how badly I've wanted one for 2 years now that I just bid on one on Ebay. I will win it. Provided that I don't spend more than $75.00. Hello Kitty makes me go insane sometimes.

Holiday pressure. Gift giving is supposed to be fun. Ideally, I'm supposed to find the perfect gift for all of my friends and they'll scream with delight and maybe even stomp their feet a little as they unwrap it. I'll become some sort of superhero of Christmas as they unwrap that (un)limited edition Hello Kitty rice cooker. Come on...who WOULDN'T want that? (shuddup, I seriously do want that).

I'm getting together on Saturday for brunch with my three old roommates from college to gift exchange (ugh, sounds quaint, but then we're leaving to go drink beer and watch the Marquette vs. Arizona Bball game---there's my girls!), and instead of being excited, I have a nervous pit in my stomach. Maybe that's just my morning coffee kicking in, i dunno. But my point being, I just can't handle going to the mall once more. I hate the crowds, screaming kids, the hot flash you feel as you left your coat on since it's 9,000 degrees in there only to feel defeat leaving without that damn hello kitty rice cooker. It's enough to drive a girl mad, I tell you. Can't I just do gift certficates this year? Please?

Seriously, I think God hates me. And here's why:

Yesterday, I get an instant message from a guy I seriously went on two dates with (nothing "relationship" material...I can't even believe I have to write that, but you'll see why in a second). Even though he's 34, he was being pretty immature throughout the conversation, but wanted his CD he gave to me back. Fine. I'll mail it back to you.

So jump to this morning. He instant messages me again. Here's our conversation:

Him: less grumpy today?
Me: I'm not grumpy...
Me: you thought I was?
Him: yep
me: i thought you were the one who was pretty upset...
me: but you had a right to be
me: so
Him: you want to ever get togehter with no strings
me: like for dinner? or for other things?
me: just as friends hanging out?
Him: we can eat if you want
me: sure, if you want to go out sometime, we could do that to chat...
me: i'd have no problems with that
Him: anything else?
me: hm
me: well...if you're saying what I think you're saying...
me: then no, sorry
Him: wasnt good enough for ya?
me: this isn't the most fun conversation i've ever had, i must say
me: i'm pretty uncomfortable...
me: so, i'm gonna go now
Him: chicken
me: and i wish nothing but the best for you, and best of luck with everything...
Him: nice halmark card
me: you REALLY want to know that?
me: why are you being mean?
me: we went out twice---you really have no basis to be THAT rude to me
Him: your being mean. i'm trying to find a way to establish some sort of friendship with you and you dismiss me
me: you just want to sleep with me
me: that's not really a friendship, bryan
me: maybe it's just me, but most girls you'll meet would feel the same way, i'm sure
Him: you dont seem to offer any opportunities
Him: you reject friendship, you reject relationship, you reject anything, you really dont know what you want, or just know that you want nothing from me
Him: very nice
me: seriously, i love how you made me up in your head to be some cold hearted bitch when really I just didn't think we clicked. Anywhere. In general or in the bedroom. There you have it.
me: I tried to do it with a little grace, but for some reason you feel the need to get the last "zing" in. If it makes you feel better to do that, then go ahead.
Him: cool, see ya at the party
me: I guess I can just hand you your cd then

Um, is it just me, or is he crazy? He's coming to my fucking company christmas party on Friday. I just hope he doesn't make a scene. Ugh.

I picked Jayme up Saturday afternoon. She ditched the wedding reception she was at early to come hang with me. I ended up accidently taking her to the most downer of a play EVER (Orange Flower Water), considering our topic of conversation during dinner was exactly what the play was about. The acting was fucking brilliant and I cried. Jayme consoled. Love isn't supposed to feel lonely. Ugh.

The next day, I took Jayme to the airport only to find out her flight was completely cancelled. Apparently, Boston buried under snow. And it's finals week at Boston College. Not exactly the best time for the poor girl to be away, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice having her around for an extra day.

Christmas should be good this year. My best friend, Liz, and her boyfriend, Jon, have been touring Asia and Australia for the past year, and are coming back on Dec. 21. She just emailed me and said that they went to the US Embassy to add pages to their passports, and then added: "You can always tell when you are approaching a US Embassy. It is always the one with sand bags, huge walls with lots of spikes, and many armed guards. We are so loved the world over." I can't wait to have her back here where I can make her mac and cheese, mashed potatos and stuffing. Then she will know she is loved. ;) I'm really an old Italian woman in this 26-year-old Norwegian/German American body.

My friend, Jayme, is coming into town this weekend. She just moved to Boston to go to grad school, so I'm very excited to see the girl. I bought us tickets to see the play, "Orange Flower Water" at the Steppenwolf Garage theater. It came under heavy recommendation from my friend, Chris, so I bought the tickets blindly. Now that I'm reading the summary (see link above), I'm afraid it's going to somewhat mirror my life in some freakish way. I fucking hate when that happens.

Ok, to further incriminate me that I really *do* like rap more than I let on, I just bought the new Missy Elliott CD. And now, I have this stupid song stuck in my head that goes,

"I'm Missy on the microphone.
I'm stupid fresh, that's the shit I'm on.
Sucka MC's come new in the game
Swear ya hip-hop you just a new jack swing"

Over and over and over and over and over and over.... and all I picture is the song actually being about this Missy instead. heh.

Well, the white crap missed us, thank GOD. It was warm enough that it was all rain. Personally, I'm all for global warming. ::sprays Aquanet all over hair :: I don't know what everyone bitches about. :: lights old foam McDonald's Big Mac carton on fire :: It makes my commute to work that much easier. :: chops down tree in the Amazon :: Not to mention I don't have to spend hours scraping ice off of my car. I kiiid, I kiiiid.
Sort of.

Bob sent me an ancient mp3 of Julia Child. Here it tis, since I posted the lyrics earlier. That's him singing/yelling. He found this from an old radio station gig he did umpteen years ago, and prefaced it by saying, "We came in all wasted and they weren't too happy about it, but we rocked out."

How to open it:
Macintosh: option + click the link to save the MP3
directly to your hard drive

PC: right-click on the link and select "Save target
as..." to save the MP3 directly to your hard drive

Thanks to Mia for figuring out how to do all of that for me since I'm retarded when it comes to this stuff. She rocks, she rolls.

Is Danny Devito considered a midget or just ridiculously short? It's been bothering me after those DirecTV ads.

The Simple Life was pretty brilliant last night. I hate those girls more than I ever thought possible. Does Paris Hilton REALLY walk that way? It's like she's on some constant catwalk... I wonder if they think every American lives that way. Like, we all have to pluck our own chickens and shit. And how the hell does she not know what Wal-mart is? Way to raise her, Rick and Kathy. You must be so proud. I don't know what's more sad. Paris Hilton (in general) or the fact that I'm going to watch her show again tonight...

Somehow this doesn't apply to me. And I'm offended I'm being called a "towhead." ;) Thanks to Mia for the article.

Insurance Men Prefer Blondes
Ever hear the one about the blonde who was upset when she got her driver's license -- because she got an F in sex? Based on a new survey from Suncorp, an Australian insurance company, jokes about dumb blond drivers could be a thing of the past. The study of the country's car-accident trends found that towheaded drivers had fewer crashes than others. They also were less likely to be victims of road rage, and second-least likely to get angry while driving. "As a group, blond men and women came out on top in the driving stakes," a Suncorp spokesman said. Red-haired women, however, were most likely to fume at other drivers, while black-haired women were least likely to get in an accident.

Hm. Anyone know if there's a way to post an MP3 on here?

Sweet, sweet justice.

This morning, some ass tried to cut me off at the entrance of an on-ramp. I can deal with a lot of shit from people (I was once referred to as "Jesus-like" by a Muslim guy I knew in Detroit) but while I'm driving is not one of them. I know it's something I need to work on, but if people just stopped being stupid on the road, I'd possibly be up for canonization this year. Anyway, as he cut me off, a cop saw it all go down and pulled him right on over. I'll fuck the po-lice tomorrow (big up, Dre) but today, they're alright.

P.S. I can not wait for The Simple Life to start tonight. Good times.

Thanksgiving was good.

Yesterday, I'm standing the butcher section of the local Jewel grocery store, when a male voice came over the intercom system (in his best Agent Smith voice) and said, "Mr. Anderson...please come to the front." I laughed out loud and the butcher looked at me like I was crazy. I wanted to explain..."You know, The Matrix?," but I quickly just pushed my cart along instead... I'm a nerd.